According to the dictionary, the definition of a housewife is “a woman who manages the household while her husband goes out and earns the family income.” So after watching all the episodes of “Real Housives” of Orange County, New York, New Jersey, and, of course, Atlanta, it occurred to me that not all, but most of these women are NOT housewives.
Half the women on the show have jobs and some don’t have kids. Quite a few don’t even have husbands! And I’m certain I’ve never seen any of them managing a house. In the show, the women are seen mostly working, socializing, and of course fighting. Except for Teresa. You go, girl! 4 kids, a 12,000 square foot house, dinner on the table by 5, and no maid or nanny! You are a real housewife!!! Maybe a little crazy, but I give you big props!
So why wouldn’t Bravo want me? After all, I am the ultimate housewife. I have absolutely NO income coming in. In fact, some may call me a parasite. I suck my husband dry as much I can. I live in the suburbs. I drive a Volvo. Most of my days are spent organizing, planning meals, crying from exhaustion, signing up for activities, cleaning, smiling, then crying again, planning play dates, driving here, driving there, and basically managing the chaos in the Party Mom household. Oh, and how could I forget taking picture after picture on my phone and sending them out to everyone? (I really don’t know why I do that, since I actually can’t stand when people send pictures over and over of their kids.)
So, Bravo Network, if you’re looking for a Real Housewife who really is real, then cast me!!! I can get just as trashy, loud, obnoxious, rude, crude, and annoying as any of the women on your show. I can down just as much champagne and wine as they do. I’m a socialite with tons of friends. And whenever this Party Mom is out on the town, it’s an episode that shouldn’t be missed!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I'M BACK IN MY SKINNY JEANS!!!!!
Two years, two babies, and a hundred pounds later Party Mom is back in a size two!! Yep I did it and believe me it SUCKED!!!
I hate dieting!!! I love everything about food too much: the smell, the taste, the consistency. There’s pretty much not a food that I don’t like. But hey I’m a woman and we all want to look and feel our best! Almost every single one of us is watching our weight in some way or another. But let’s be honest, it’s not fun. And whoever says that they don’t like delicious chocolate cake or a cheesy pizza is lying or just plain crazy.
I have a real problem with all these diet books. Unless you live by everything it tells you for the rest of your life you will never stay skinny. Take the Atkins diet for example. If you don’t eat carbs for the rest of your life then you may stay thin, but who can do that? And that stupid raw fish diet! So damn unhealthy and not realistic! Then there’s Weight Watchers. Who has time to count all those damn points. I have enough trouble during the day keeping track of what time my daughter had her last bottle.
To me it’s pretty simple. The heavier the food is the heavier you are! You can have the biggest cheeseburger ever, but you better only eat a quarter of it. If your side item is fries then you better only eat two! And that desert you want, go ahead and get it! Don’t deprive yourself. But remember you can only have one bite. The more you put in your body the more you put on! Try eating some watermelon. It’s basically flavored water. By the time you’re stuffed from it you will have already peed it out.
So take my advice and don’t read those expensive books. Just eat healthy and do not eat a lot. Don’t munch on a million appetizers at a party before dinner is served. If you do then you better pick, and I mean pick, at dinner. Crash diet if you need to fit into that dress. Pick up some bad habits temporarily. Diet coke, red bull, Adderall, Ritalin, and anything else that will make your jaw go WITHOUT putting food in it! Eat whatever you want, but keep in mind that the more bites you take the bigger your butt will get!
And remember ladies, if your stomach is growling your new diet is definitely working. Oh and if you’re feeling faint, you’ve for sure reached your goal weight!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
I hate dieting!!! I love everything about food too much: the smell, the taste, the consistency. There’s pretty much not a food that I don’t like. But hey I’m a woman and we all want to look and feel our best! Almost every single one of us is watching our weight in some way or another. But let’s be honest, it’s not fun. And whoever says that they don’t like delicious chocolate cake or a cheesy pizza is lying or just plain crazy.
I have a real problem with all these diet books. Unless you live by everything it tells you for the rest of your life you will never stay skinny. Take the Atkins diet for example. If you don’t eat carbs for the rest of your life then you may stay thin, but who can do that? And that stupid raw fish diet! So damn unhealthy and not realistic! Then there’s Weight Watchers. Who has time to count all those damn points. I have enough trouble during the day keeping track of what time my daughter had her last bottle.
To me it’s pretty simple. The heavier the food is the heavier you are! You can have the biggest cheeseburger ever, but you better only eat a quarter of it. If your side item is fries then you better only eat two! And that desert you want, go ahead and get it! Don’t deprive yourself. But remember you can only have one bite. The more you put in your body the more you put on! Try eating some watermelon. It’s basically flavored water. By the time you’re stuffed from it you will have already peed it out.
So take my advice and don’t read those expensive books. Just eat healthy and do not eat a lot. Don’t munch on a million appetizers at a party before dinner is served. If you do then you better pick, and I mean pick, at dinner. Crash diet if you need to fit into that dress. Pick up some bad habits temporarily. Diet coke, red bull, Adderall, Ritalin, and anything else that will make your jaw go WITHOUT putting food in it! Eat whatever you want, but keep in mind that the more bites you take the bigger your butt will get!
And remember ladies, if your stomach is growling your new diet is definitely working. Oh and if you’re feeling faint, you’ve for sure reached your goal weight!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Like Mother Like Daughter
If you know anything about me I absolutely despise and have no patience while looking through sale racks. There is usually so much crap that’s so unorganized and unless your shoe size in gigantic its slim pickens.
The other day my daughter and I ran inside Neimans to look for a specific pair of shoes. After not finding them, and believe me Party Mom is still looking, I decide to check out the sale racks. Of course I saw nothing. But my eyes did catch a pair of shoes not because I liked them, but because they were so damn ugly! Probably the ugliest color orange I have ever seen!
Anyways, I touched them and said quietly to myself, “THESE ARE UGLY.” In less than a second after saying that my beautiful, delicious, perfect little girl spit up all over them, the rack, and a BEAUTIFUL PAIR of MANOLOS. I thought holy shit, WTF!!!
So what did I do? Well I almost threw up too!!! I was so embarrassed. I looked around took my daughters blanket and wiped off the shoe, the rack, and SCRUBBED the Manolos at the same time praying that nobody saw or smelled it. Then quietly bolted out of Neimans!!!
So they say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Or like mother like daughter. And this totally proves it! Sometimes when I see all those shoes piled up like trash and everyone hovering around them I get sick, but I just try to keep it to myself. Leave it to my baby girl and she will say and do as I feel!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
The other day my daughter and I ran inside Neimans to look for a specific pair of shoes. After not finding them, and believe me Party Mom is still looking, I decide to check out the sale racks. Of course I saw nothing. But my eyes did catch a pair of shoes not because I liked them, but because they were so damn ugly! Probably the ugliest color orange I have ever seen!
Anyways, I touched them and said quietly to myself, “THESE ARE UGLY.” In less than a second after saying that my beautiful, delicious, perfect little girl spit up all over them, the rack, and a BEAUTIFUL PAIR of MANOLOS. I thought holy shit, WTF!!!
So what did I do? Well I almost threw up too!!! I was so embarrassed. I looked around took my daughters blanket and wiped off the shoe, the rack, and SCRUBBED the Manolos at the same time praying that nobody saw or smelled it. Then quietly bolted out of Neimans!!!
So they say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Or like mother like daughter. And this totally proves it! Sometimes when I see all those shoes piled up like trash and everyone hovering around them I get sick, but I just try to keep it to myself. Leave it to my baby girl and she will say and do as I feel!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I Live in a Circus
So my life is a total circus and I am the juggling act. Instead of balls I have kids, instead of an audience I have the TV and instead of popcorn and peanuts I have milk, formula, and mashed up bananas. Try making it in this circus. It’s NUTS!!!
I rise in the morning to grab my daughter and then run back upstairs to grab my son. I throw my five month old daughter on the ground to change her and then do the same to my eighteen month old son. I make one breakfast then I make another. I comfort the youngest while she’s crying because her older brother has knocked the shit out of her. I pick one up while the other is attached to my leg and this goes on and on all day while sweat is pouring down my face praying that I don’t drop either child.
How I manage to do this, I have no idea. And yes I have help, but that doesn’t mean this juggling act is over when they come. I take one child to swimming run home to grab the other for their activity. And then my afternoon activities consist of the grocery, Target, and making sure that my huge cans of formula don’t break the eggs or smash the bread. And then there’s bringing the damn bags inside trying to make it to the kitchen before they rip. You should see my fridge! It’s lit up like a fucking firecracker. Colored sippy cups, orange baby food, bright funky containers of baby yogurt, and every teething toy in mankind. Oh and how could I forget mommy’s wine!!!!
Let me fill you in on last night’s circus act. I put one to bed and then the other. Come downstairs to clean up. One starts crying and so does the other. I go up to grab my daughter and take her back downstairs. Then run back up the stairs to get my son and of course back down again. I give one a bottle of milk and the other formula. We sit for a little and then I do the two sprints, well really four, to bring them back upstairs. Sometimes I just don’t know when this show will be over.
While my juggling circus act isn’t organized and perfect like Cirque Du Soleil, it sure is entertaining. You would never get bored in my house and you’ll always be excited for the next act. And might I add that when the curtains goes down at home it goes up when mommy goes out! The sippy cups change to liquor glasses. The scenery gets a little darker and the music changes from the Wiggles to Rock n roll. You should come with me one night. It’s similar to the juggling circus act in the home, just a bit raunchier.
Until Next TIme,
Party Mom
I rise in the morning to grab my daughter and then run back upstairs to grab my son. I throw my five month old daughter on the ground to change her and then do the same to my eighteen month old son. I make one breakfast then I make another. I comfort the youngest while she’s crying because her older brother has knocked the shit out of her. I pick one up while the other is attached to my leg and this goes on and on all day while sweat is pouring down my face praying that I don’t drop either child.
How I manage to do this, I have no idea. And yes I have help, but that doesn’t mean this juggling act is over when they come. I take one child to swimming run home to grab the other for their activity. And then my afternoon activities consist of the grocery, Target, and making sure that my huge cans of formula don’t break the eggs or smash the bread. And then there’s bringing the damn bags inside trying to make it to the kitchen before they rip. You should see my fridge! It’s lit up like a fucking firecracker. Colored sippy cups, orange baby food, bright funky containers of baby yogurt, and every teething toy in mankind. Oh and how could I forget mommy’s wine!!!!
Let me fill you in on last night’s circus act. I put one to bed and then the other. Come downstairs to clean up. One starts crying and so does the other. I go up to grab my daughter and take her back downstairs. Then run back up the stairs to get my son and of course back down again. I give one a bottle of milk and the other formula. We sit for a little and then I do the two sprints, well really four, to bring them back upstairs. Sometimes I just don’t know when this show will be over.
While my juggling circus act isn’t organized and perfect like Cirque Du Soleil, it sure is entertaining. You would never get bored in my house and you’ll always be excited for the next act. And might I add that when the curtains goes down at home it goes up when mommy goes out! The sippy cups change to liquor glasses. The scenery gets a little darker and the music changes from the Wiggles to Rock n roll. You should come with me one night. It’s similar to the juggling circus act in the home, just a bit raunchier.
Until Next TIme,
Party Mom
Monday, May 17, 2010
It's not the size of the ring it's the size of the man
Being engaged is what every girl looks forward to. When, where, how and most importantly the ring!!! You want a certain cut, shape, and of course SIZE. All women hint to their man what kind of ring they want. And sometimes push. I know many instances where I did it and so did many girls that I know.
I may not be the most mature mom -- though I’m definitely the wildest! -- but I have learned over the years that size doesn’t mean shit. It’s whether or not you got the right man. In my opinion, women should have it all – that means the right man and the huge rock. If you have that, then way to go!!!
I’ve met plenty of girls that get engaged and get the ring of their dreams. And I absolutely could not be happier for them. But in some cases, when you get down to the nitty gritty, their man doesn’t always let them do the fun things that this party mom gets to do.
Now, take me for example. While some people might not be blown away by my engagement ring, to me it’s simple and gorgeous. But my man is perfect and wonderful!! Believe me, he shines bigger then any fucking ring. Let’s be honest: I do love nice things, and I do end up getting almost everything I want. But at the end of the day, my man is the big rock that I love to show off.
So take my advice ladies. When you’re out researching and looking for that perfect ring you want do the same when shopping for that perfect man. Will he support you? Will he love you? Will he go out and have fun with you? Will he give you an amazing life full of happiness and security? And will he sparkle forever???
As said before it’s the size of the man not the ring so I would definitely check out that manly package before you commit to it. If it’s tiny then life may get a bit boring!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
I may not be the most mature mom -- though I’m definitely the wildest! -- but I have learned over the years that size doesn’t mean shit. It’s whether or not you got the right man. In my opinion, women should have it all – that means the right man and the huge rock. If you have that, then way to go!!!
I’ve met plenty of girls that get engaged and get the ring of their dreams. And I absolutely could not be happier for them. But in some cases, when you get down to the nitty gritty, their man doesn’t always let them do the fun things that this party mom gets to do.
Now, take me for example. While some people might not be blown away by my engagement ring, to me it’s simple and gorgeous. But my man is perfect and wonderful!! Believe me, he shines bigger then any fucking ring. Let’s be honest: I do love nice things, and I do end up getting almost everything I want. But at the end of the day, my man is the big rock that I love to show off.
So take my advice ladies. When you’re out researching and looking for that perfect ring you want do the same when shopping for that perfect man. Will he support you? Will he love you? Will he go out and have fun with you? Will he give you an amazing life full of happiness and security? And will he sparkle forever???
As said before it’s the size of the man not the ring so I would definitely check out that manly package before you commit to it. If it’s tiny then life may get a bit boring!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Viva Las Vegas
Vegas Baby!!! It’s the spot and my BEAUTIFUL, DYMANIC, baby sister got married there and it was off the F---ING hook!!! 2 babies, 2 nannies, hubby, and I jetted off there a few weeks ago to celebrate! The crowd started to arrive on Wednesday and that began a LONG, DRUNK, gambling weekend of DEBAUHERY.
Over the next 5 days we did it all!!! An amazing rehearsal dinner with 200 hundreds guests. Pool time with cabanas, shots of Patron, cocktail after cocktail, and tons of laughter with friends.
The I do’s began Saturday around 7pm. Sister looked GORGEUOUS and her smile was GLOWING. I had tears in my eyes while watching my dads best friend walk her down the aisle, but could not be prouder to see him walk in dads footsteps. The rest of the night consisted of intense partying, drunk dancing, a surprise visit from Elvis and many other parties behind closed doors. I had the time of my life!!!
You’d think that Saturday was our last night in Vegas, but hey try Sunday. We spent the day relaxing, packing, and enjoyed a DELICOUS dinner with wine and dirty martinis. And to end that last night we stopped by the crap table and put money on the hard eight for my dad. People say it’s the worst bet, but to me it was the best one we made all weekend. If it weren’t for him none of us would have been in Vegas that weekend and if it weren’t for him my sister would not have had such a fabulous wedding. So with that said I felt as if we won!!!
You’d also think this party mom would be over sin city, but hell no! I went back for more in less than 2 weeks for a bachelorette party. I landed and did it all over again minus the kids, nannies, hubby, and wedding. Pool time, bar time, and it could not have been more fun and more disgusting. The laughs were insane and the smiles were shinning. And when I walked in the door on Sunday night I was hoping for maybe a little shut eye or a nice cold shower to get rid of the sweats, but I wished wrong. I was home for less than 5 minutes and jumped back in the car to take my precious little baby girl to the doctor. She had a fever of 104 and completely lethargic. Three hours later and a shot of antibiotics my baby was feeling MUCH better and so was I.
So remember readers live life like a rockstar. Party hard, be a hell raiser, live each day to the fullest, and never miss out on an opportunity to celebrate. People will only talk if you do!!
Until next time,
Party Mom
Over the next 5 days we did it all!!! An amazing rehearsal dinner with 200 hundreds guests. Pool time with cabanas, shots of Patron, cocktail after cocktail, and tons of laughter with friends.
The I do’s began Saturday around 7pm. Sister looked GORGEUOUS and her smile was GLOWING. I had tears in my eyes while watching my dads best friend walk her down the aisle, but could not be prouder to see him walk in dads footsteps. The rest of the night consisted of intense partying, drunk dancing, a surprise visit from Elvis and many other parties behind closed doors. I had the time of my life!!!
You’d think that Saturday was our last night in Vegas, but hey try Sunday. We spent the day relaxing, packing, and enjoyed a DELICOUS dinner with wine and dirty martinis. And to end that last night we stopped by the crap table and put money on the hard eight for my dad. People say it’s the worst bet, but to me it was the best one we made all weekend. If it weren’t for him none of us would have been in Vegas that weekend and if it weren’t for him my sister would not have had such a fabulous wedding. So with that said I felt as if we won!!!
You’d also think this party mom would be over sin city, but hell no! I went back for more in less than 2 weeks for a bachelorette party. I landed and did it all over again minus the kids, nannies, hubby, and wedding. Pool time, bar time, and it could not have been more fun and more disgusting. The laughs were insane and the smiles were shinning. And when I walked in the door on Sunday night I was hoping for maybe a little shut eye or a nice cold shower to get rid of the sweats, but I wished wrong. I was home for less than 5 minutes and jumped back in the car to take my precious little baby girl to the doctor. She had a fever of 104 and completely lethargic. Three hours later and a shot of antibiotics my baby was feeling MUCH better and so was I.
So remember readers live life like a rockstar. Party hard, be a hell raiser, live each day to the fullest, and never miss out on an opportunity to celebrate. People will only talk if you do!!
Until next time,
Party Mom
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Only The Good Die Young
It’s been a year since my father has died. He was the BEST!! You couldn’t say a bad word about my dad. He had the greatest smile which was contagious. His death was unexpected tragic and to me unexplained. It’s taken me almost a year to start feeling normal again. And from that I mean new a kind of normal
Now a year later bad luck struck again to my family’s immediate group of friends. Another man, father, husband, brother, son, friend, and an UNBELIEVABLE person was taken away again. It was so sudden and so quick that we were in shock. It felt exactly like when my father passed.
Both of these men were linked now more than ever. They had children who grew up together, wives that were friends, and they each had the BEST dispositions EVER. These men were the life of the party, most loving, and shared the same group of friends. Oh and both could pound the hell out of some vodka.
Since the passing of these 2 men I ask why. Why would the best go first? Why do the good die young? Maybe angels were needed in heaven because if you ask anyone that’s what both of these men are. They were the strongest, biggest protectors of their families, and loved by all. Always the first to step up to the plate for anything or anyone. Not to mention always the first and quickest to pick up the check, and always to lend a helping hand. To me that’s what angels do.
From these passings I think we all should learn to live everyday to the fullest. Now that doesn’t mean going out and buying every pair of Chanel shoes or every Prada wallet. It means to take pride in yourself, always do your best, and always try to get the most out of life. You never know what life will throw at you. But when it's our time you want to be remembered as these men were. Even though they both passed way before their time, they each did so much, touched so many people, and it’s as if they lived until 120.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Now a year later bad luck struck again to my family’s immediate group of friends. Another man, father, husband, brother, son, friend, and an UNBELIEVABLE person was taken away again. It was so sudden and so quick that we were in shock. It felt exactly like when my father passed.
Both of these men were linked now more than ever. They had children who grew up together, wives that were friends, and they each had the BEST dispositions EVER. These men were the life of the party, most loving, and shared the same group of friends. Oh and both could pound the hell out of some vodka.
Since the passing of these 2 men I ask why. Why would the best go first? Why do the good die young? Maybe angels were needed in heaven because if you ask anyone that’s what both of these men are. They were the strongest, biggest protectors of their families, and loved by all. Always the first to step up to the plate for anything or anyone. Not to mention always the first and quickest to pick up the check, and always to lend a helping hand. To me that’s what angels do.
From these passings I think we all should learn to live everyday to the fullest. Now that doesn’t mean going out and buying every pair of Chanel shoes or every Prada wallet. It means to take pride in yourself, always do your best, and always try to get the most out of life. You never know what life will throw at you. But when it's our time you want to be remembered as these men were. Even though they both passed way before their time, they each did so much, touched so many people, and it’s as if they lived until 120.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
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