Back when I told you about my son’s school orientation, I forgot to mention that I signed up to organize two class parties for the year. Now, if you know anything about Party Mom, you know she loves to have parties and go to parties. In the case of the recent fall-themed class party, alcohol was obviously not appropriate in this environment (and by “environment” I mean a room full of 2-year-olds). So I compensated by going just a little bit overboard with the party planning.
I was instructed to lead the class in a craft and to provide a snack. I could have cut out pumpkins and decorated them with stickers and leaves. I could have brought oranges and cupcakes and called it a day. But, in normal Party Mom fashion, it didn’t go that way.
I sweated my way through every Party City, Target, and trendy bakery in town. I bought 8 wooden acorns, 8 wooden leaves, 8 mini pumpkins, and 8 mini corns. After that I had to find the PERFECT stickers. I mean these kids are 2 and I didn’t want them drawing all over themselves. So stickers made the most sense. I got stacks and stacks and stacks of stickers. I had gold leaves, red leaves, orange leaves, pumpkins, apples, scare crows, roosters. You name the stickers and I had it. If you were looking for fall stickers for your child, well sorry, but Party Mom bought them out everywhere!!!!
Then there was my presentation. I couldn’t just throw all this crap on the table. I had to find the perfect 8 bags to put everything in. And those bags couldn’t be pink or blue. They had to be a fall color. So I decided to scout out Walgreens. I mean, if hubby were to see another charge from Target or Party City, he would have thought I had seriously lost my mind. So I found the perfect bags to hold everything for each kid. I labeled them with their names. And after sampling 3 different cakes, I finally decided on a delicious cookie cake with orange icing for desert. And don’t worry…Party Mom never forgets drinks! I got each kid their own organic milk and straw (it’s like Cuervo for toddlers).
So the day of the party was great! The kids sat and I gave each of them their bags, which in the end included a washable marker even though I had originally said no to markers. They put the stickers on their pumpkins, acorns, and leaves. But mostly they went on their faces, chairs, and hands. They ate delicious cake and sipped on the fancy organic milk. To me it was a top notch fall festival.
So here’s my advice from this experience. Besides in my case taking a strong dose of Xanax, don’t cheat by doing something boring and easy. Go wild with the kids or any other people you are entertaining. Remember, you are representing your child, so blow it out!!! Overwhelm them with a cool activity and hop them up on sugary treats! To make it easy, think what you or Party Mom would want at your own fall party and change it up to something PG-rated and legal.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
What I did this summer part II: Getting ready for the first day of school
Today was my son's first day of school and getting ready for it was like training for a triathlon. There are so many different components that must be completed before you start school or cross that finish line. Party Mom had to prepare mentally and physically just to get my baby boy out the door. Did he and I make it? Well this is how it went…
First, there are all the forms and there are so many of these. The medical forms.
Has he had his shots? Does he have food allergies? The application, my info, husband’s info, emergency contacts, and you can’t forget to sign up for the carpool number. Do I put my mom and both my sisters as emergency contacts? Oh, and what friend do I put down as an emergency contact? I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling and not choose them. There are after school programs, parent clubs, and of course, fundraisers. My reaction to fundraisers: the kid hasn't even started school yet and they want MORE of my money before tuition is even due??? I might as well just give them my damn bank account number. It would be easier then writing a million checks.
Next, there is the first open house at school to meet the teachers and parents. I sat through an hour long discussion about my son's school with the director and other parents. I tried to listen, but all I could think about is everything I had to do. All the new parents are checking each other out wondering who will be in my child's class. You absolutely want your kid in the “cool class.” After that we went downstairs to see the classroom and receive even more information about the upcoming school year. Oh and most of these papers was the same crap that was already sent to me in the mail.
Making sure you get everything on the school supply list is very important! I filled the biggest bag of baby wipes, diapers, extra clothes, sippy cups, tissues, and anything and everything that a 2-year-old may need. Can’t they provide all this shit since I am paying up the wazoo??? Oh, and everything has to be labeled with a sharpie. There are so many instructions I’m surprised my sharpie doesn’t need to be a specific color.
The grocery store is the next big obstacle. What should you make for lunch on his first day? String cheese or square cheese? Apple Juice or milk? Turkey sandwich or PB&J? Then there’s his snack. Healthy or sugary? Salty or sweet? Did you pack enough??? You can’t send your child to school without a pretty colorful lunch??? You want everything to be perfect!
And now on to wardrobing. You absolutely want to take your kid back to school shopping. Is he gonna be preppy or punky??? Should he wear his cool Grateful Dead shirt or his beautiful new blue Polo? What emblem do you want him to wear? Oh and don’t forget about you!! Do you drop the kids off in your exercise clothes with no makeup?? Or do you shower, straighten your hair, and deck yourself out? You want all the other mommies to see you looking good. I remember when my sister was young she liked her best friend's mom (who actually became my mom's best friend) because she was cute and cool. First impressions are VERY IMPORTANT!!!
You do all these things just to get your child and yourself out the door. For months, I went back and forth to Bloomingdales, Target, and every other store in the city buying and returning my sons back to school clothes. I was exhausted from driving and walking through every mall.
The Sunday before school I worked my butt off and of course cute lazy husband got to sleep in after our night of drinking at a wedding. I went through my final list. School supplies? Bought. Outfit for the morning? It’s clean! Everything labeled? Nope, but doing it now. All forms filled out? Finishing up the last two. Everything bought from the grocery? Got it all! Bag packed of his supplies to take to school this evening to the ice cream social so he can meet his teachers? All done!!! I’m on top of it and ready to go!! Extra Strength Tylenol for my hangover? Taking them now!! I was so organized and SO proud of myself!!! Oh and in between that, I made time even to iron my damn husband's shirts. Sometimes I ask myself if I have 2 kids or 3?
So, do you want to know how his first day went? Well he DID NOT even go. After the ice cream social his eye became bright red and he appeared to have conjunctivitis. I couldn’t believe it!! I worked so hard all day and for months to get everything ready for the big first day of school. He was napping that day and I was sweating all the alcohol out while labeling every freakin sippy cup, diaper, and baby wipe box. If I could make a bumper sticker for this day, it would read, "I'd rather be watching my Lifetime Sunday movies!!"
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
First, there are all the forms and there are so many of these. The medical forms.
Has he had his shots? Does he have food allergies? The application, my info, husband’s info, emergency contacts, and you can’t forget to sign up for the carpool number. Do I put my mom and both my sisters as emergency contacts? Oh, and what friend do I put down as an emergency contact? I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling and not choose them. There are after school programs, parent clubs, and of course, fundraisers. My reaction to fundraisers: the kid hasn't even started school yet and they want MORE of my money before tuition is even due??? I might as well just give them my damn bank account number. It would be easier then writing a million checks.
Next, there is the first open house at school to meet the teachers and parents. I sat through an hour long discussion about my son's school with the director and other parents. I tried to listen, but all I could think about is everything I had to do. All the new parents are checking each other out wondering who will be in my child's class. You absolutely want your kid in the “cool class.” After that we went downstairs to see the classroom and receive even more information about the upcoming school year. Oh and most of these papers was the same crap that was already sent to me in the mail.
Making sure you get everything on the school supply list is very important! I filled the biggest bag of baby wipes, diapers, extra clothes, sippy cups, tissues, and anything and everything that a 2-year-old may need. Can’t they provide all this shit since I am paying up the wazoo??? Oh, and everything has to be labeled with a sharpie. There are so many instructions I’m surprised my sharpie doesn’t need to be a specific color.
The grocery store is the next big obstacle. What should you make for lunch on his first day? String cheese or square cheese? Apple Juice or milk? Turkey sandwich or PB&J? Then there’s his snack. Healthy or sugary? Salty or sweet? Did you pack enough??? You can’t send your child to school without a pretty colorful lunch??? You want everything to be perfect!
And now on to wardrobing. You absolutely want to take your kid back to school shopping. Is he gonna be preppy or punky??? Should he wear his cool Grateful Dead shirt or his beautiful new blue Polo? What emblem do you want him to wear? Oh and don’t forget about you!! Do you drop the kids off in your exercise clothes with no makeup?? Or do you shower, straighten your hair, and deck yourself out? You want all the other mommies to see you looking good. I remember when my sister was young she liked her best friend's mom (who actually became my mom's best friend) because she was cute and cool. First impressions are VERY IMPORTANT!!!
You do all these things just to get your child and yourself out the door. For months, I went back and forth to Bloomingdales, Target, and every other store in the city buying and returning my sons back to school clothes. I was exhausted from driving and walking through every mall.
The Sunday before school I worked my butt off and of course cute lazy husband got to sleep in after our night of drinking at a wedding. I went through my final list. School supplies? Bought. Outfit for the morning? It’s clean! Everything labeled? Nope, but doing it now. All forms filled out? Finishing up the last two. Everything bought from the grocery? Got it all! Bag packed of his supplies to take to school this evening to the ice cream social so he can meet his teachers? All done!!! I’m on top of it and ready to go!! Extra Strength Tylenol for my hangover? Taking them now!! I was so organized and SO proud of myself!!! Oh and in between that, I made time even to iron my damn husband's shirts. Sometimes I ask myself if I have 2 kids or 3?
So, do you want to know how his first day went? Well he DID NOT even go. After the ice cream social his eye became bright red and he appeared to have conjunctivitis. I couldn’t believe it!! I worked so hard all day and for months to get everything ready for the big first day of school. He was napping that day and I was sweating all the alcohol out while labeling every freakin sippy cup, diaper, and baby wipe box. If I could make a bumper sticker for this day, it would read, "I'd rather be watching my Lifetime Sunday movies!!"
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Rocky Mountain High: What Party Mom Did On Summer Vacation.
Well, my summer vacation had at least one shocking event, involving three things that begin with the letter M (hint: me, mom, and marijuana). Most vacations are scheduled to perfection with kids, activities, and meals. Not mine, of course. Ours is like one big hangover and we wake up every morning and do it all again!!! This is how my wine and weed summer trip began…
It started with my son running wild for our entire 2 and ½ hour flight. He was literally jumping off my lap and running into the first class cabin and pulling down the separation curtain. He was screaming bloody murder from excitement. I must have run after him a million times and every time I would grab him and say the word "no”, causing him to burst out laughing. And then FINALLY the flight attendant came around I got my wine!! But how the hell was I suppose to drink it out of the plastic cup with my hyper son all over me?? I didn’t and I drank straight from the airplane bottle. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!!
The next week was spent running after my children, making blueberry pancakes and eggs, getting ice cream of all flavors, drinking LOTS of great wine, playing outside in perfect weather, and not sweating a bit. We heard great music and had great beer at a Bluegrass Festival. Oh and did I mention that my son slept in the middle of my mother and I? Yep, for 7 nights I snuggled with my son because he is too young to sleep alone in a bed and too big for his pack and play. So every night at 7:00 my mother and I would lay in bed with him until he would fall asleep, which took about 2 hours. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine on our balcony looking over the mountains we enjoyed the bottle in bed staring at my son. And when the coast was clear we would jet out the room to start on our next bottle. Finally I could rest! And then when we would fall asleep I would be woken up almost every 2 hours by my son calling out, “ Mama.” Oh and then there was the night we actually thought he was not in the bed anymore. In the middle of the night my mom rolled over and said, “Where is he?” We turned on the light and searched under the covers, under the bed, we were freaked!!! Then all of a sudden I heard a little snoring from behind a pillow. He had covered himself up with pillows and crawled into a ball around the headboard. It was the cutest thing ever!
Then there was my little princess who usually turns into the exorcist at night and doesn’t sleep. Baby girl must have gotten into the Ambien because she slept like CRAZY. She took 2, 2 hour naps everyday and then would sleep 12-13 hours every night. I was shocked as shit, but soooo happy!!!
One night my mom and I went to dinner and enjoyed several cocktails. On our way back in the taxi my non drug using mother and I bummed a little pot from the nastiest hippie I had ever seen. We ran straight home and smoked it!!! It was hilarious. And then my non drug using mother started cleaning. If you knew my mom she is not the type to clean. I didn’t think the woman even knew how to use a vacuum!!! The place became spotless and I couldn’t believe it. Maybe I should get rid of my cleaning lady and trade my mom pot for cleaning??
Mom left after the first week and then cute lazy husband came to join. And of course when he comes I have everything in order. The food is stocked. The place is clean and his scotch is right there waiting! It was all set up so he can sit on his throne and stay cute and lazy.
Hubby shared the last week with me and we had a great time. We ate, drank, took the kids on great walks, and even got to meet up with my friend, her 3 kids, and her cute lazy husband. In fact these guys are so much alike. They are precious. Always smiling, drinking, and having a good time. These dads literally ran away to get beers as soon as they saw each other. That left my friend and I taking care of 5 kids in the middle of a crowded BBQ festival. It was crazy. And it was my first time sweating in the cool mountain air. I don’t think my friend and I could say a word to each other because all we were doing was chasing and feeding our kids. Both of our husbands may be lazy, but not selfish. On their hour long trip to the beer line they managed to bring us back a couple cold ones too!
So readers when you’re on vacation with your family and especially your kids remember that everything is not gonna be exactly in order. They won’t always go to sleep easily and they will for sure get hyper as hell from the excitement. SO with that being said you should go with it and get a little loose too! Enjoy wine, liquor, pot, or whatever floats your boat. They can break the rules and so can you!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
It started with my son running wild for our entire 2 and ½ hour flight. He was literally jumping off my lap and running into the first class cabin and pulling down the separation curtain. He was screaming bloody murder from excitement. I must have run after him a million times and every time I would grab him and say the word "no”, causing him to burst out laughing. And then FINALLY the flight attendant came around I got my wine!! But how the hell was I suppose to drink it out of the plastic cup with my hyper son all over me?? I didn’t and I drank straight from the airplane bottle. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!!
The next week was spent running after my children, making blueberry pancakes and eggs, getting ice cream of all flavors, drinking LOTS of great wine, playing outside in perfect weather, and not sweating a bit. We heard great music and had great beer at a Bluegrass Festival. Oh and did I mention that my son slept in the middle of my mother and I? Yep, for 7 nights I snuggled with my son because he is too young to sleep alone in a bed and too big for his pack and play. So every night at 7:00 my mother and I would lay in bed with him until he would fall asleep, which took about 2 hours. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine on our balcony looking over the mountains we enjoyed the bottle in bed staring at my son. And when the coast was clear we would jet out the room to start on our next bottle. Finally I could rest! And then when we would fall asleep I would be woken up almost every 2 hours by my son calling out, “ Mama.” Oh and then there was the night we actually thought he was not in the bed anymore. In the middle of the night my mom rolled over and said, “Where is he?” We turned on the light and searched under the covers, under the bed, we were freaked!!! Then all of a sudden I heard a little snoring from behind a pillow. He had covered himself up with pillows and crawled into a ball around the headboard. It was the cutest thing ever!
Then there was my little princess who usually turns into the exorcist at night and doesn’t sleep. Baby girl must have gotten into the Ambien because she slept like CRAZY. She took 2, 2 hour naps everyday and then would sleep 12-13 hours every night. I was shocked as shit, but soooo happy!!!
One night my mom and I went to dinner and enjoyed several cocktails. On our way back in the taxi my non drug using mother and I bummed a little pot from the nastiest hippie I had ever seen. We ran straight home and smoked it!!! It was hilarious. And then my non drug using mother started cleaning. If you knew my mom she is not the type to clean. I didn’t think the woman even knew how to use a vacuum!!! The place became spotless and I couldn’t believe it. Maybe I should get rid of my cleaning lady and trade my mom pot for cleaning??
Mom left after the first week and then cute lazy husband came to join. And of course when he comes I have everything in order. The food is stocked. The place is clean and his scotch is right there waiting! It was all set up so he can sit on his throne and stay cute and lazy.
Hubby shared the last week with me and we had a great time. We ate, drank, took the kids on great walks, and even got to meet up with my friend, her 3 kids, and her cute lazy husband. In fact these guys are so much alike. They are precious. Always smiling, drinking, and having a good time. These dads literally ran away to get beers as soon as they saw each other. That left my friend and I taking care of 5 kids in the middle of a crowded BBQ festival. It was crazy. And it was my first time sweating in the cool mountain air. I don’t think my friend and I could say a word to each other because all we were doing was chasing and feeding our kids. Both of our husbands may be lazy, but not selfish. On their hour long trip to the beer line they managed to bring us back a couple cold ones too!
So readers when you’re on vacation with your family and especially your kids remember that everything is not gonna be exactly in order. They won’t always go to sleep easily and they will for sure get hyper as hell from the excitement. SO with that being said you should go with it and get a little loose too! Enjoy wine, liquor, pot, or whatever floats your boat. They can break the rules and so can you!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"24"
O100. I’m sitting on the beach at a swanky hotel drinking margaritas with my husband. We are having the most wonderful time alone and away from all the chaos. Then I hear a noise. FUCK it’s my daughter crying and I was only dreaming. I run upstairs with an 8 ounce bottle that my baby girl chugs down in a matter of seconds. I think to myself, “will she ever sleep through the night?” I guess tomorrow night I will start to Ferberize her.
0700
It’s morning time. I run upstairs to get hungry, screaming babies that I drag downstairs for breakfast and changing.
0745
Cute lazy sister shows up after I did the dishes with her starving children. More eggs to cook and more bacon to fry. If you are wondering where Party Husband is, well he is sound asleep in his throne. Are you shocked?
1000
Back inside after playing in the baby pool and sweating my face off from chasing my son, my nieces, and of course wearing the baby Bjorn that holds the baby girl in 95 degree weather. And where’s my lazy sister? She’s at the gym working on her cute figure.
1200
Lunchtime. I’m mixing baby food and preparing a sandwich for my son at the same time. My son is throwing his carrots on the wall, while my baby girl is screaming bloody murder because her teeth hurt.
1300
Run up stairs to put baby boy to sleep while my little girl is screaming her brains out cause I have left her. Run back downstairs, pick up my little girl and then of course she pukes up her sweet potatoes and bananas all over me and herself.
1330
Change little girl’s clothes and stick bottle in her mouth. Finally some calmness.
1400
Bring baby girl upstairs for a nap.
1420
Baby girl is screaming so I run back up to her room to find that she pooped in her pants. I change her again and then the sheets. Put her back in the crib and it’s back downstairs for me. I should seriously train for a fucking marathon.
1430
Clean the house, fold the laundry, change my nasty clothes, put back toys, take out trash, and go through some bills if I have time.
1600
Babies wake up. Change them, make a snack, and begin afternoon activity. Coloring (which usually ends up on my sofa and walls), throwing the ball with my son while holding my little girl. Oh, and then a surprise visit from my sister and her kids. They are back again and of course hungry.
1700
Margarita and pizza time!!! Finally a drink! Friend shows up with her son so now there are 2 kids, 3 babies, and 4 adults. Party Mom gives up for a few minutes and lets the kids run wilds through the house. And did we have time to finish the Margaritas?? ABSOFUCKINLUTLY!!!
1830
Bath time. I drag my son and daughter upstairs. By this time of day my back is in serious pain and all I can think about is a nice muscle relaxer and another margarita. I bathe both my kids together and its nuts. My daughter is flipping over while my son keeps trying to stand up.
1900
Bedtime! Throw son in the crib while my daughter is crawling all over his room. Pick her up and bring her across the hall to her room. Kiss her on the cheek and put her down.
1915
Run back upstairs cause my son won’t go to sleep and bring him back downstairs. Let him watch a segment of the Wiggles while I continue to clean.
1930
Bring baby boy back up to his room. Run back downstairs finish cleaning and of course give Party Husband his dinner and scotch.
2000
FINALLY I’m done!!! Join hubby outside for a drink.
2100
FINALLY I’m in bed, but of course my husband expects to get laid.
0100
Party Mom is with Party Hubby at the black jack table in Vegas. Damn, I’m having the time of my life. Cocktail after cocktail and winnings after winnings. The smoke, people, everything is just amazing. Then all of a sudden a loud bang went off in the casino. I think to myself, “is there a terrorist here?” FUCK, not again, it’s my baby girl and I’m only dreaming. Well I guess tomorrow night I will try to Ferberize her….
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
0700
It’s morning time. I run upstairs to get hungry, screaming babies that I drag downstairs for breakfast and changing.
0745
Cute lazy sister shows up after I did the dishes with her starving children. More eggs to cook and more bacon to fry. If you are wondering where Party Husband is, well he is sound asleep in his throne. Are you shocked?
1000
Back inside after playing in the baby pool and sweating my face off from chasing my son, my nieces, and of course wearing the baby Bjorn that holds the baby girl in 95 degree weather. And where’s my lazy sister? She’s at the gym working on her cute figure.
1200
Lunchtime. I’m mixing baby food and preparing a sandwich for my son at the same time. My son is throwing his carrots on the wall, while my baby girl is screaming bloody murder because her teeth hurt.
1300
Run up stairs to put baby boy to sleep while my little girl is screaming her brains out cause I have left her. Run back downstairs, pick up my little girl and then of course she pukes up her sweet potatoes and bananas all over me and herself.
1330
Change little girl’s clothes and stick bottle in her mouth. Finally some calmness.
1400
Bring baby girl upstairs for a nap.
1420
Baby girl is screaming so I run back up to her room to find that she pooped in her pants. I change her again and then the sheets. Put her back in the crib and it’s back downstairs for me. I should seriously train for a fucking marathon.
1430
Clean the house, fold the laundry, change my nasty clothes, put back toys, take out trash, and go through some bills if I have time.
1600
Babies wake up. Change them, make a snack, and begin afternoon activity. Coloring (which usually ends up on my sofa and walls), throwing the ball with my son while holding my little girl. Oh, and then a surprise visit from my sister and her kids. They are back again and of course hungry.
1700
Margarita and pizza time!!! Finally a drink! Friend shows up with her son so now there are 2 kids, 3 babies, and 4 adults. Party Mom gives up for a few minutes and lets the kids run wilds through the house. And did we have time to finish the Margaritas?? ABSOFUCKINLUTLY!!!
1830
Bath time. I drag my son and daughter upstairs. By this time of day my back is in serious pain and all I can think about is a nice muscle relaxer and another margarita. I bathe both my kids together and its nuts. My daughter is flipping over while my son keeps trying to stand up.
1900
Bedtime! Throw son in the crib while my daughter is crawling all over his room. Pick her up and bring her across the hall to her room. Kiss her on the cheek and put her down.
1915
Run back upstairs cause my son won’t go to sleep and bring him back downstairs. Let him watch a segment of the Wiggles while I continue to clean.
1930
Bring baby boy back up to his room. Run back downstairs finish cleaning and of course give Party Husband his dinner and scotch.
2000
FINALLY I’m done!!! Join hubby outside for a drink.
2100
FINALLY I’m in bed, but of course my husband expects to get laid.
0100
Party Mom is with Party Hubby at the black jack table in Vegas. Damn, I’m having the time of my life. Cocktail after cocktail and winnings after winnings. The smoke, people, everything is just amazing. Then all of a sudden a loud bang went off in the casino. I think to myself, “is there a terrorist here?” FUCK, not again, it’s my baby girl and I’m only dreaming. Well I guess tomorrow night I will try to Ferberize her….
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Friday, July 9, 2010
HELP!!!! I need a vacation, from my vacation
This past weekend Party Mom packed up her entire family to head to the beach. My car was loaded with clothes, diapers, toys, formula, and every swimming raft possible. I must have made 50 trips to Target before we left. This how the chaos began…
It started off with an 8-hour drive that should have taken only 6. We drove in a torrential downpour most of the way, which caused us to miss our exit. So my mom, my daughter, my son, and I drove forty miles out of the way. It sucked! I was crammed in the back between both of their car seats trying to calm them down. Oh and you try being stuck back there for 7 hours. I was so nauseous that I convinced myself I was pregnant. When the clouds parted and sun came up, we picked-up the pace just enough to get pulled over. Yep, at the end of a 7-hour hellacious ride we were pulled over with 2 screaming kids, and right when we stopped my daughter threw up everywhere. The best part about it was when the cop almost pulled out a gun on my mother. She seemed to think it was ok to get out of the car when we were waiting for the policeman. I swear I thought she was gonna be arrested. And after an hour of sitting there while the cop ran a background check, we were sent away with an expensive speeding ticket and a stupid pin that the officer gave to my son thinking it would make him happy. Wondering where hubby was? Well, don’t worry about him. He got to take a nice, quiet, leisurely drive by himself later that day. And his 6-hour trip took only 5.
And then there’s the babysitter I hired. She wasn’t exactly a sitter. She was more like the teenager daughter that I don’t have (or want). In fact I had to babysit her, too! She was 19, adorable, obnoxious, and the daughter of a pilot who was actually the owner of a private plane company. My daughter would be crying for a bottle and she would be putting on more lip gloss. Instead of helping me wash their bathing suits, she would be reading my US Weekly. As irritated as I was, when you have 2 kids that young, you take what you can get.
Here we were staying at a beautiful new house and I spent my days making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all of the children. I love my older sister to death, but the girl didn’t lift a finger and for some reason her kids went to me for “cheesy eggs” every morning and everything else throughout the day. She would sit there like a little doll dressed perfectly. Her hair would be combed and she’d be holding a cup of coffee, but did nothing to help. I wanted to strangle her so badly, but she just looked too damn cute for me to do that. I was constantly changing all the kids and bringing all the kids to the pool by myself. I would try to nap them, but why would they ever want to do that? Wondering where my babysitter was? She was filing her nails while I was trying to put the kids to sleep.
Then there was Party Husband and WHAT A WASTE OF SPACE he was. He really didn’t do anything. In fact I think he is helpless. He’d just stand there smiling, and what a beautiful smile he has, chatting away while my back was about to break due to children using me as their jungle gym. One day stands out in particular. After I made my gourmet breakfast for 10 and then dragged my children to the pool, he decided to show up hours later after a nice bike ride. He then informed me that he was going to jump in the pool with the kids and then head to the bar for lunch and drinks. Oh, and he also gave me his dirty shorts to take back and wash. Shocking, right? Not really.
And I don’t want to forget my pregnant cousin. Her hormones were running wild and if you put her Teflon pans in the dishwasher she would turn into the exorcist. She was cranky, bitchy, and a bit scary. And I still love her!
So I ask myself if this was a vacation. Maybe it wasn’t Vegas with the girls, but we still had a blast. I worked my butt off and as much as I wanted to kill my lazy sister, lazy husband, useless babysitter, and pour Prozac down my cousin’s throat, there is nothing better than being with my family. We laughed our faces off! Wondering where Party Mom was? Well, don’t worry about her. She enjoyed several cold cocktails while chasing the kids.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
It started off with an 8-hour drive that should have taken only 6. We drove in a torrential downpour most of the way, which caused us to miss our exit. So my mom, my daughter, my son, and I drove forty miles out of the way. It sucked! I was crammed in the back between both of their car seats trying to calm them down. Oh and you try being stuck back there for 7 hours. I was so nauseous that I convinced myself I was pregnant. When the clouds parted and sun came up, we picked-up the pace just enough to get pulled over. Yep, at the end of a 7-hour hellacious ride we were pulled over with 2 screaming kids, and right when we stopped my daughter threw up everywhere. The best part about it was when the cop almost pulled out a gun on my mother. She seemed to think it was ok to get out of the car when we were waiting for the policeman. I swear I thought she was gonna be arrested. And after an hour of sitting there while the cop ran a background check, we were sent away with an expensive speeding ticket and a stupid pin that the officer gave to my son thinking it would make him happy. Wondering where hubby was? Well, don’t worry about him. He got to take a nice, quiet, leisurely drive by himself later that day. And his 6-hour trip took only 5.
And then there’s the babysitter I hired. She wasn’t exactly a sitter. She was more like the teenager daughter that I don’t have (or want). In fact I had to babysit her, too! She was 19, adorable, obnoxious, and the daughter of a pilot who was actually the owner of a private plane company. My daughter would be crying for a bottle and she would be putting on more lip gloss. Instead of helping me wash their bathing suits, she would be reading my US Weekly. As irritated as I was, when you have 2 kids that young, you take what you can get.
Here we were staying at a beautiful new house and I spent my days making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all of the children. I love my older sister to death, but the girl didn’t lift a finger and for some reason her kids went to me for “cheesy eggs” every morning and everything else throughout the day. She would sit there like a little doll dressed perfectly. Her hair would be combed and she’d be holding a cup of coffee, but did nothing to help. I wanted to strangle her so badly, but she just looked too damn cute for me to do that. I was constantly changing all the kids and bringing all the kids to the pool by myself. I would try to nap them, but why would they ever want to do that? Wondering where my babysitter was? She was filing her nails while I was trying to put the kids to sleep.
Then there was Party Husband and WHAT A WASTE OF SPACE he was. He really didn’t do anything. In fact I think he is helpless. He’d just stand there smiling, and what a beautiful smile he has, chatting away while my back was about to break due to children using me as their jungle gym. One day stands out in particular. After I made my gourmet breakfast for 10 and then dragged my children to the pool, he decided to show up hours later after a nice bike ride. He then informed me that he was going to jump in the pool with the kids and then head to the bar for lunch and drinks. Oh, and he also gave me his dirty shorts to take back and wash. Shocking, right? Not really.
And I don’t want to forget my pregnant cousin. Her hormones were running wild and if you put her Teflon pans in the dishwasher she would turn into the exorcist. She was cranky, bitchy, and a bit scary. And I still love her!
So I ask myself if this was a vacation. Maybe it wasn’t Vegas with the girls, but we still had a blast. I worked my butt off and as much as I wanted to kill my lazy sister, lazy husband, useless babysitter, and pour Prozac down my cousin’s throat, there is nothing better than being with my family. We laughed our faces off! Wondering where Party Mom was? Well, don’t worry about her. She enjoyed several cold cocktails while chasing the kids.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
From Granola to Gucci
If you had bumped into Party Mom about 10 years ago she wouldn’t be looking so good. In fact she’d be looking like a big mess. And Party Mom would not have been carrying her gorgeous Chanel bag that is attached at all times. Back then, she preferred something ripped, baggy, shapeless, and probably bought at Value Village. Her hair was a dyed shade of pinkish red and she was always decked out in her finest patchwork and designer Birkenstocks. Party Mom's somewhat sorted past goes something like this:
After college, I moved to a beautiful mountain town to take a year and ski. Oh and did I ski!!! I was up and down those mountains in every which way but skiing. I partied my brains out and became a so-called “hippie.” I worked in a low rent restaurant that my sister referred to as the Waffle House of the mountains. My roommates were tattooed from head to toe and had dozens of piercings.
When my parents came to visit on occasion you would have thought they were going to a funeral. My mom would break down crying when she would take one look at me or the guy I was dating. And my father was so freaked out that he could not even hold down his vodka. They were shocked and disgusted.
Eventually mom and dad yanked me out of the mountains with the threat of being cut off. If I were to be cut off who would pay for the ugly clothes, camping gear, concert tickets and EVERYTHING else that defined me as a hippie or in reality a “credit card hippie.”
I moved myself to the big city and I absolutely hated it. I lived across from Prada, Barneys, and every other beautiful store known. My mom made it her mission to glamorize her daughter. She would force me to sit at the makeup counter, but I would cry so hard that the mascara would wash right off. She would spend hours making me try on every shirt, shoe, and dress. She would do just about anything including bribery. But I wasn’t having it. I lived in fanciest area surrounded by the most beautiful people and I looked like a homeless person.
Now, fast forward a few years, but still several years before I became Party Mom, or even Party Wife. I had a HUGE life changing moment. It was at Saks and there it was. The MOST beautiful brown Prada bag. I thought could this be me? It’s not black. It will go with all my neutral hippie clothes, and it’s a little sophisticated. SO I BOUGHT IT!! I felt like the most beautiful hippie ever. This is all I will ever need, so I thought…
From that moment on I began to shop and shop and shop. My mom’s smile grew bigger and so did my fathers Amex bill. My clothes got a little tighter, my boobs got more visible, and within seconds I was a changed woman.
Was it a change for the better? Hell yeah! I managed to attract the most handsome and delicious husband in the world. I live in a great house and I have the most precious happy children in the world. Do I love nice things? ABSOLUTELY!!! But do I only buy designer clothes? Not at all! I’m Party Mom and I can make myself look good in almost any store. I shop everywhere from Wet Seal to high end stores. And yes if I have it I flaunt it! Why would you not???
So ladies and especially you single ones, take my advice. Don’t cover up what you have. Flash those boobies and your booty. Shorten those skirts and NEVER forget to wax. Take down your hair, but you may need to purchase a flat iron first. Darken that eye makeup and brighten those lips. And then take yourself out on the town. I promise when the works done it will all be worth it.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
After college, I moved to a beautiful mountain town to take a year and ski. Oh and did I ski!!! I was up and down those mountains in every which way but skiing. I partied my brains out and became a so-called “hippie.” I worked in a low rent restaurant that my sister referred to as the Waffle House of the mountains. My roommates were tattooed from head to toe and had dozens of piercings.
When my parents came to visit on occasion you would have thought they were going to a funeral. My mom would break down crying when she would take one look at me or the guy I was dating. And my father was so freaked out that he could not even hold down his vodka. They were shocked and disgusted.
Eventually mom and dad yanked me out of the mountains with the threat of being cut off. If I were to be cut off who would pay for the ugly clothes, camping gear, concert tickets and EVERYTHING else that defined me as a hippie or in reality a “credit card hippie.”
I moved myself to the big city and I absolutely hated it. I lived across from Prada, Barneys, and every other beautiful store known. My mom made it her mission to glamorize her daughter. She would force me to sit at the makeup counter, but I would cry so hard that the mascara would wash right off. She would spend hours making me try on every shirt, shoe, and dress. She would do just about anything including bribery. But I wasn’t having it. I lived in fanciest area surrounded by the most beautiful people and I looked like a homeless person.
Now, fast forward a few years, but still several years before I became Party Mom, or even Party Wife. I had a HUGE life changing moment. It was at Saks and there it was. The MOST beautiful brown Prada bag. I thought could this be me? It’s not black. It will go with all my neutral hippie clothes, and it’s a little sophisticated. SO I BOUGHT IT!! I felt like the most beautiful hippie ever. This is all I will ever need, so I thought…
From that moment on I began to shop and shop and shop. My mom’s smile grew bigger and so did my fathers Amex bill. My clothes got a little tighter, my boobs got more visible, and within seconds I was a changed woman.
Was it a change for the better? Hell yeah! I managed to attract the most handsome and delicious husband in the world. I live in a great house and I have the most precious happy children in the world. Do I love nice things? ABSOLUTELY!!! But do I only buy designer clothes? Not at all! I’m Party Mom and I can make myself look good in almost any store. I shop everywhere from Wet Seal to high end stores. And yes if I have it I flaunt it! Why would you not???
So ladies and especially you single ones, take my advice. Don’t cover up what you have. Flash those boobies and your booty. Shorten those skirts and NEVER forget to wax. Take down your hair, but you may need to purchase a flat iron first. Darken that eye makeup and brighten those lips. And then take yourself out on the town. I promise when the works done it will all be worth it.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I HATE CHEAP
To me one of the worst qualities someone can have is being cheap. It really disgusts Party Mom more than anything. I don’t care if you are rich or poor. NO EXCUSE. Be a sport, grow some balls (or Boobs), pick up the tab, and smile about it.
Whether I’m on a trip, out to lunch, or simply getting drinks with my friends everyone takes turn paying. There have been plenty of times that I’ve bought more rounds of drinks than the person sitting next to me. But that doesn’t matter. My friends and I have a very simple system. IT ALWAYS COMES OUT EVEN. I don’t care if it’s a week later or a year later. We always take turns. Just don’t be cheap.
Let me also explain that if you shop at Kmart or the Dollar Store that is not being cheap. Or not buying something if you can’t afford it. That’s being smart. Whether you pick up the tab at McDonalds or The Palm it does not matter. Well maybe a little, but I think you get my point.
See cheapness is one of the biggest flaws a person can have. You don’t want to be that person who never picks up a tab or won’t split the meal down the middle due to a $5 or $10 appetizer. It’s just gross! And men listen up us women do not like cheap guys. Cheap men are pussies, sissies, or any other word that denounces their manly hood. We like men who want to spend a little more and take care of the people around them. Believe me it’s an ego booster for them too! Take Tony Soprano for example. He’s always got the bill and he always has the cash. He is the first one to reach in his pocket and he is the most respected. And I actually find him sexy!! I really really do. I know most women reading this are shocked, but there’s just something about him I love.
So readers take Party Moms advice and next time when you’re waiting for the table and sitting at a bar it’s YOUR turn pay. And honestly I don’t care if it isn’t! Put up a fight for it if you have to. The one who ends up paying is the winner in my eyes. If you think about it generous people are usually more fun, have more friends, and provide great energy. Trust me you don’t want Party Mom to see you out in a bar sitting on your fat butt while your friend picks up the tab and you say NOTHING. Believe me I will embarrass the hell out of you! And if you aren’t sure what to do, just think to yourself, what would Tony do?
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Whether I’m on a trip, out to lunch, or simply getting drinks with my friends everyone takes turn paying. There have been plenty of times that I’ve bought more rounds of drinks than the person sitting next to me. But that doesn’t matter. My friends and I have a very simple system. IT ALWAYS COMES OUT EVEN. I don’t care if it’s a week later or a year later. We always take turns. Just don’t be cheap.
Let me also explain that if you shop at Kmart or the Dollar Store that is not being cheap. Or not buying something if you can’t afford it. That’s being smart. Whether you pick up the tab at McDonalds or The Palm it does not matter. Well maybe a little, but I think you get my point.
See cheapness is one of the biggest flaws a person can have. You don’t want to be that person who never picks up a tab or won’t split the meal down the middle due to a $5 or $10 appetizer. It’s just gross! And men listen up us women do not like cheap guys. Cheap men are pussies, sissies, or any other word that denounces their manly hood. We like men who want to spend a little more and take care of the people around them. Believe me it’s an ego booster for them too! Take Tony Soprano for example. He’s always got the bill and he always has the cash. He is the first one to reach in his pocket and he is the most respected. And I actually find him sexy!! I really really do. I know most women reading this are shocked, but there’s just something about him I love.
So readers take Party Moms advice and next time when you’re waiting for the table and sitting at a bar it’s YOUR turn pay. And honestly I don’t care if it isn’t! Put up a fight for it if you have to. The one who ends up paying is the winner in my eyes. If you think about it generous people are usually more fun, have more friends, and provide great energy. Trust me you don’t want Party Mom to see you out in a bar sitting on your fat butt while your friend picks up the tab and you say NOTHING. Believe me I will embarrass the hell out of you! And if you aren’t sure what to do, just think to yourself, what would Tony do?
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I'm the REAL Housewife
According to the dictionary, the definition of a housewife is “a woman who manages the household while her husband goes out and earns the family income.” So after watching all the episodes of “Real Housives” of Orange County, New York, New Jersey, and, of course, Atlanta, it occurred to me that not all, but most of these women are NOT housewives.
Half the women on the show have jobs and some don’t have kids. Quite a few don’t even have husbands! And I’m certain I’ve never seen any of them managing a house. In the show, the women are seen mostly working, socializing, and of course fighting. Except for Teresa. You go, girl! 4 kids, a 12,000 square foot house, dinner on the table by 5, and no maid or nanny! You are a real housewife!!! Maybe a little crazy, but I give you big props!
So why wouldn’t Bravo want me? After all, I am the ultimate housewife. I have absolutely NO income coming in. In fact, some may call me a parasite. I suck my husband dry as much I can. I live in the suburbs. I drive a Volvo. Most of my days are spent organizing, planning meals, crying from exhaustion, signing up for activities, cleaning, smiling, then crying again, planning play dates, driving here, driving there, and basically managing the chaos in the Party Mom household. Oh, and how could I forget taking picture after picture on my phone and sending them out to everyone? (I really don’t know why I do that, since I actually can’t stand when people send pictures over and over of their kids.)
So, Bravo Network, if you’re looking for a Real Housewife who really is real, then cast me!!! I can get just as trashy, loud, obnoxious, rude, crude, and annoying as any of the women on your show. I can down just as much champagne and wine as they do. I’m a socialite with tons of friends. And whenever this Party Mom is out on the town, it’s an episode that shouldn’t be missed!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Half the women on the show have jobs and some don’t have kids. Quite a few don’t even have husbands! And I’m certain I’ve never seen any of them managing a house. In the show, the women are seen mostly working, socializing, and of course fighting. Except for Teresa. You go, girl! 4 kids, a 12,000 square foot house, dinner on the table by 5, and no maid or nanny! You are a real housewife!!! Maybe a little crazy, but I give you big props!
So why wouldn’t Bravo want me? After all, I am the ultimate housewife. I have absolutely NO income coming in. In fact, some may call me a parasite. I suck my husband dry as much I can. I live in the suburbs. I drive a Volvo. Most of my days are spent organizing, planning meals, crying from exhaustion, signing up for activities, cleaning, smiling, then crying again, planning play dates, driving here, driving there, and basically managing the chaos in the Party Mom household. Oh, and how could I forget taking picture after picture on my phone and sending them out to everyone? (I really don’t know why I do that, since I actually can’t stand when people send pictures over and over of their kids.)
So, Bravo Network, if you’re looking for a Real Housewife who really is real, then cast me!!! I can get just as trashy, loud, obnoxious, rude, crude, and annoying as any of the women on your show. I can down just as much champagne and wine as they do. I’m a socialite with tons of friends. And whenever this Party Mom is out on the town, it’s an episode that shouldn’t be missed!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I'M BACK IN MY SKINNY JEANS!!!!!
Two years, two babies, and a hundred pounds later Party Mom is back in a size two!! Yep I did it and believe me it SUCKED!!!
I hate dieting!!! I love everything about food too much: the smell, the taste, the consistency. There’s pretty much not a food that I don’t like. But hey I’m a woman and we all want to look and feel our best! Almost every single one of us is watching our weight in some way or another. But let’s be honest, it’s not fun. And whoever says that they don’t like delicious chocolate cake or a cheesy pizza is lying or just plain crazy.
I have a real problem with all these diet books. Unless you live by everything it tells you for the rest of your life you will never stay skinny. Take the Atkins diet for example. If you don’t eat carbs for the rest of your life then you may stay thin, but who can do that? And that stupid raw fish diet! So damn unhealthy and not realistic! Then there’s Weight Watchers. Who has time to count all those damn points. I have enough trouble during the day keeping track of what time my daughter had her last bottle.
To me it’s pretty simple. The heavier the food is the heavier you are! You can have the biggest cheeseburger ever, but you better only eat a quarter of it. If your side item is fries then you better only eat two! And that desert you want, go ahead and get it! Don’t deprive yourself. But remember you can only have one bite. The more you put in your body the more you put on! Try eating some watermelon. It’s basically flavored water. By the time you’re stuffed from it you will have already peed it out.
So take my advice and don’t read those expensive books. Just eat healthy and do not eat a lot. Don’t munch on a million appetizers at a party before dinner is served. If you do then you better pick, and I mean pick, at dinner. Crash diet if you need to fit into that dress. Pick up some bad habits temporarily. Diet coke, red bull, Adderall, Ritalin, and anything else that will make your jaw go WITHOUT putting food in it! Eat whatever you want, but keep in mind that the more bites you take the bigger your butt will get!
And remember ladies, if your stomach is growling your new diet is definitely working. Oh and if you’re feeling faint, you’ve for sure reached your goal weight!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
I hate dieting!!! I love everything about food too much: the smell, the taste, the consistency. There’s pretty much not a food that I don’t like. But hey I’m a woman and we all want to look and feel our best! Almost every single one of us is watching our weight in some way or another. But let’s be honest, it’s not fun. And whoever says that they don’t like delicious chocolate cake or a cheesy pizza is lying or just plain crazy.
I have a real problem with all these diet books. Unless you live by everything it tells you for the rest of your life you will never stay skinny. Take the Atkins diet for example. If you don’t eat carbs for the rest of your life then you may stay thin, but who can do that? And that stupid raw fish diet! So damn unhealthy and not realistic! Then there’s Weight Watchers. Who has time to count all those damn points. I have enough trouble during the day keeping track of what time my daughter had her last bottle.
To me it’s pretty simple. The heavier the food is the heavier you are! You can have the biggest cheeseburger ever, but you better only eat a quarter of it. If your side item is fries then you better only eat two! And that desert you want, go ahead and get it! Don’t deprive yourself. But remember you can only have one bite. The more you put in your body the more you put on! Try eating some watermelon. It’s basically flavored water. By the time you’re stuffed from it you will have already peed it out.
So take my advice and don’t read those expensive books. Just eat healthy and do not eat a lot. Don’t munch on a million appetizers at a party before dinner is served. If you do then you better pick, and I mean pick, at dinner. Crash diet if you need to fit into that dress. Pick up some bad habits temporarily. Diet coke, red bull, Adderall, Ritalin, and anything else that will make your jaw go WITHOUT putting food in it! Eat whatever you want, but keep in mind that the more bites you take the bigger your butt will get!
And remember ladies, if your stomach is growling your new diet is definitely working. Oh and if you’re feeling faint, you’ve for sure reached your goal weight!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Like Mother Like Daughter
If you know anything about me I absolutely despise and have no patience while looking through sale racks. There is usually so much crap that’s so unorganized and unless your shoe size in gigantic its slim pickens.
The other day my daughter and I ran inside Neimans to look for a specific pair of shoes. After not finding them, and believe me Party Mom is still looking, I decide to check out the sale racks. Of course I saw nothing. But my eyes did catch a pair of shoes not because I liked them, but because they were so damn ugly! Probably the ugliest color orange I have ever seen!
Anyways, I touched them and said quietly to myself, “THESE ARE UGLY.” In less than a second after saying that my beautiful, delicious, perfect little girl spit up all over them, the rack, and a BEAUTIFUL PAIR of MANOLOS. I thought holy shit, WTF!!!
So what did I do? Well I almost threw up too!!! I was so embarrassed. I looked around took my daughters blanket and wiped off the shoe, the rack, and SCRUBBED the Manolos at the same time praying that nobody saw or smelled it. Then quietly bolted out of Neimans!!!
So they say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Or like mother like daughter. And this totally proves it! Sometimes when I see all those shoes piled up like trash and everyone hovering around them I get sick, but I just try to keep it to myself. Leave it to my baby girl and she will say and do as I feel!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
The other day my daughter and I ran inside Neimans to look for a specific pair of shoes. After not finding them, and believe me Party Mom is still looking, I decide to check out the sale racks. Of course I saw nothing. But my eyes did catch a pair of shoes not because I liked them, but because they were so damn ugly! Probably the ugliest color orange I have ever seen!
Anyways, I touched them and said quietly to myself, “THESE ARE UGLY.” In less than a second after saying that my beautiful, delicious, perfect little girl spit up all over them, the rack, and a BEAUTIFUL PAIR of MANOLOS. I thought holy shit, WTF!!!
So what did I do? Well I almost threw up too!!! I was so embarrassed. I looked around took my daughters blanket and wiped off the shoe, the rack, and SCRUBBED the Manolos at the same time praying that nobody saw or smelled it. Then quietly bolted out of Neimans!!!
So they say the apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Or like mother like daughter. And this totally proves it! Sometimes when I see all those shoes piled up like trash and everyone hovering around them I get sick, but I just try to keep it to myself. Leave it to my baby girl and she will say and do as I feel!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I Live in a Circus
So my life is a total circus and I am the juggling act. Instead of balls I have kids, instead of an audience I have the TV and instead of popcorn and peanuts I have milk, formula, and mashed up bananas. Try making it in this circus. It’s NUTS!!!
I rise in the morning to grab my daughter and then run back upstairs to grab my son. I throw my five month old daughter on the ground to change her and then do the same to my eighteen month old son. I make one breakfast then I make another. I comfort the youngest while she’s crying because her older brother has knocked the shit out of her. I pick one up while the other is attached to my leg and this goes on and on all day while sweat is pouring down my face praying that I don’t drop either child.
How I manage to do this, I have no idea. And yes I have help, but that doesn’t mean this juggling act is over when they come. I take one child to swimming run home to grab the other for their activity. And then my afternoon activities consist of the grocery, Target, and making sure that my huge cans of formula don’t break the eggs or smash the bread. And then there’s bringing the damn bags inside trying to make it to the kitchen before they rip. You should see my fridge! It’s lit up like a fucking firecracker. Colored sippy cups, orange baby food, bright funky containers of baby yogurt, and every teething toy in mankind. Oh and how could I forget mommy’s wine!!!!
Let me fill you in on last night’s circus act. I put one to bed and then the other. Come downstairs to clean up. One starts crying and so does the other. I go up to grab my daughter and take her back downstairs. Then run back up the stairs to get my son and of course back down again. I give one a bottle of milk and the other formula. We sit for a little and then I do the two sprints, well really four, to bring them back upstairs. Sometimes I just don’t know when this show will be over.
While my juggling circus act isn’t organized and perfect like Cirque Du Soleil, it sure is entertaining. You would never get bored in my house and you’ll always be excited for the next act. And might I add that when the curtains goes down at home it goes up when mommy goes out! The sippy cups change to liquor glasses. The scenery gets a little darker and the music changes from the Wiggles to Rock n roll. You should come with me one night. It’s similar to the juggling circus act in the home, just a bit raunchier.
Until Next TIme,
Party Mom
I rise in the morning to grab my daughter and then run back upstairs to grab my son. I throw my five month old daughter on the ground to change her and then do the same to my eighteen month old son. I make one breakfast then I make another. I comfort the youngest while she’s crying because her older brother has knocked the shit out of her. I pick one up while the other is attached to my leg and this goes on and on all day while sweat is pouring down my face praying that I don’t drop either child.
How I manage to do this, I have no idea. And yes I have help, but that doesn’t mean this juggling act is over when they come. I take one child to swimming run home to grab the other for their activity. And then my afternoon activities consist of the grocery, Target, and making sure that my huge cans of formula don’t break the eggs or smash the bread. And then there’s bringing the damn bags inside trying to make it to the kitchen before they rip. You should see my fridge! It’s lit up like a fucking firecracker. Colored sippy cups, orange baby food, bright funky containers of baby yogurt, and every teething toy in mankind. Oh and how could I forget mommy’s wine!!!!
Let me fill you in on last night’s circus act. I put one to bed and then the other. Come downstairs to clean up. One starts crying and so does the other. I go up to grab my daughter and take her back downstairs. Then run back up the stairs to get my son and of course back down again. I give one a bottle of milk and the other formula. We sit for a little and then I do the two sprints, well really four, to bring them back upstairs. Sometimes I just don’t know when this show will be over.
While my juggling circus act isn’t organized and perfect like Cirque Du Soleil, it sure is entertaining. You would never get bored in my house and you’ll always be excited for the next act. And might I add that when the curtains goes down at home it goes up when mommy goes out! The sippy cups change to liquor glasses. The scenery gets a little darker and the music changes from the Wiggles to Rock n roll. You should come with me one night. It’s similar to the juggling circus act in the home, just a bit raunchier.
Until Next TIme,
Party Mom
Monday, May 17, 2010
It's not the size of the ring it's the size of the man
Being engaged is what every girl looks forward to. When, where, how and most importantly the ring!!! You want a certain cut, shape, and of course SIZE. All women hint to their man what kind of ring they want. And sometimes push. I know many instances where I did it and so did many girls that I know.
I may not be the most mature mom -- though I’m definitely the wildest! -- but I have learned over the years that size doesn’t mean shit. It’s whether or not you got the right man. In my opinion, women should have it all – that means the right man and the huge rock. If you have that, then way to go!!!
I’ve met plenty of girls that get engaged and get the ring of their dreams. And I absolutely could not be happier for them. But in some cases, when you get down to the nitty gritty, their man doesn’t always let them do the fun things that this party mom gets to do.
Now, take me for example. While some people might not be blown away by my engagement ring, to me it’s simple and gorgeous. But my man is perfect and wonderful!! Believe me, he shines bigger then any fucking ring. Let’s be honest: I do love nice things, and I do end up getting almost everything I want. But at the end of the day, my man is the big rock that I love to show off.
So take my advice ladies. When you’re out researching and looking for that perfect ring you want do the same when shopping for that perfect man. Will he support you? Will he love you? Will he go out and have fun with you? Will he give you an amazing life full of happiness and security? And will he sparkle forever???
As said before it’s the size of the man not the ring so I would definitely check out that manly package before you commit to it. If it’s tiny then life may get a bit boring!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
I may not be the most mature mom -- though I’m definitely the wildest! -- but I have learned over the years that size doesn’t mean shit. It’s whether or not you got the right man. In my opinion, women should have it all – that means the right man and the huge rock. If you have that, then way to go!!!
I’ve met plenty of girls that get engaged and get the ring of their dreams. And I absolutely could not be happier for them. But in some cases, when you get down to the nitty gritty, their man doesn’t always let them do the fun things that this party mom gets to do.
Now, take me for example. While some people might not be blown away by my engagement ring, to me it’s simple and gorgeous. But my man is perfect and wonderful!! Believe me, he shines bigger then any fucking ring. Let’s be honest: I do love nice things, and I do end up getting almost everything I want. But at the end of the day, my man is the big rock that I love to show off.
So take my advice ladies. When you’re out researching and looking for that perfect ring you want do the same when shopping for that perfect man. Will he support you? Will he love you? Will he go out and have fun with you? Will he give you an amazing life full of happiness and security? And will he sparkle forever???
As said before it’s the size of the man not the ring so I would definitely check out that manly package before you commit to it. If it’s tiny then life may get a bit boring!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Viva Las Vegas
Vegas Baby!!! It’s the spot and my BEAUTIFUL, DYMANIC, baby sister got married there and it was off the F---ING hook!!! 2 babies, 2 nannies, hubby, and I jetted off there a few weeks ago to celebrate! The crowd started to arrive on Wednesday and that began a LONG, DRUNK, gambling weekend of DEBAUHERY.
Over the next 5 days we did it all!!! An amazing rehearsal dinner with 200 hundreds guests. Pool time with cabanas, shots of Patron, cocktail after cocktail, and tons of laughter with friends.
The I do’s began Saturday around 7pm. Sister looked GORGEUOUS and her smile was GLOWING. I had tears in my eyes while watching my dads best friend walk her down the aisle, but could not be prouder to see him walk in dads footsteps. The rest of the night consisted of intense partying, drunk dancing, a surprise visit from Elvis and many other parties behind closed doors. I had the time of my life!!!
You’d think that Saturday was our last night in Vegas, but hey try Sunday. We spent the day relaxing, packing, and enjoyed a DELICOUS dinner with wine and dirty martinis. And to end that last night we stopped by the crap table and put money on the hard eight for my dad. People say it’s the worst bet, but to me it was the best one we made all weekend. If it weren’t for him none of us would have been in Vegas that weekend and if it weren’t for him my sister would not have had such a fabulous wedding. So with that said I felt as if we won!!!
You’d also think this party mom would be over sin city, but hell no! I went back for more in less than 2 weeks for a bachelorette party. I landed and did it all over again minus the kids, nannies, hubby, and wedding. Pool time, bar time, and it could not have been more fun and more disgusting. The laughs were insane and the smiles were shinning. And when I walked in the door on Sunday night I was hoping for maybe a little shut eye or a nice cold shower to get rid of the sweats, but I wished wrong. I was home for less than 5 minutes and jumped back in the car to take my precious little baby girl to the doctor. She had a fever of 104 and completely lethargic. Three hours later and a shot of antibiotics my baby was feeling MUCH better and so was I.
So remember readers live life like a rockstar. Party hard, be a hell raiser, live each day to the fullest, and never miss out on an opportunity to celebrate. People will only talk if you do!!
Until next time,
Party Mom
Over the next 5 days we did it all!!! An amazing rehearsal dinner with 200 hundreds guests. Pool time with cabanas, shots of Patron, cocktail after cocktail, and tons of laughter with friends.
The I do’s began Saturday around 7pm. Sister looked GORGEUOUS and her smile was GLOWING. I had tears in my eyes while watching my dads best friend walk her down the aisle, but could not be prouder to see him walk in dads footsteps. The rest of the night consisted of intense partying, drunk dancing, a surprise visit from Elvis and many other parties behind closed doors. I had the time of my life!!!
You’d think that Saturday was our last night in Vegas, but hey try Sunday. We spent the day relaxing, packing, and enjoyed a DELICOUS dinner with wine and dirty martinis. And to end that last night we stopped by the crap table and put money on the hard eight for my dad. People say it’s the worst bet, but to me it was the best one we made all weekend. If it weren’t for him none of us would have been in Vegas that weekend and if it weren’t for him my sister would not have had such a fabulous wedding. So with that said I felt as if we won!!!
You’d also think this party mom would be over sin city, but hell no! I went back for more in less than 2 weeks for a bachelorette party. I landed and did it all over again minus the kids, nannies, hubby, and wedding. Pool time, bar time, and it could not have been more fun and more disgusting. The laughs were insane and the smiles were shinning. And when I walked in the door on Sunday night I was hoping for maybe a little shut eye or a nice cold shower to get rid of the sweats, but I wished wrong. I was home for less than 5 minutes and jumped back in the car to take my precious little baby girl to the doctor. She had a fever of 104 and completely lethargic. Three hours later and a shot of antibiotics my baby was feeling MUCH better and so was I.
So remember readers live life like a rockstar. Party hard, be a hell raiser, live each day to the fullest, and never miss out on an opportunity to celebrate. People will only talk if you do!!
Until next time,
Party Mom
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Only The Good Die Young
It’s been a year since my father has died. He was the BEST!! You couldn’t say a bad word about my dad. He had the greatest smile which was contagious. His death was unexpected tragic and to me unexplained. It’s taken me almost a year to start feeling normal again. And from that I mean new a kind of normal
Now a year later bad luck struck again to my family’s immediate group of friends. Another man, father, husband, brother, son, friend, and an UNBELIEVABLE person was taken away again. It was so sudden and so quick that we were in shock. It felt exactly like when my father passed.
Both of these men were linked now more than ever. They had children who grew up together, wives that were friends, and they each had the BEST dispositions EVER. These men were the life of the party, most loving, and shared the same group of friends. Oh and both could pound the hell out of some vodka.
Since the passing of these 2 men I ask why. Why would the best go first? Why do the good die young? Maybe angels were needed in heaven because if you ask anyone that’s what both of these men are. They were the strongest, biggest protectors of their families, and loved by all. Always the first to step up to the plate for anything or anyone. Not to mention always the first and quickest to pick up the check, and always to lend a helping hand. To me that’s what angels do.
From these passings I think we all should learn to live everyday to the fullest. Now that doesn’t mean going out and buying every pair of Chanel shoes or every Prada wallet. It means to take pride in yourself, always do your best, and always try to get the most out of life. You never know what life will throw at you. But when it's our time you want to be remembered as these men were. Even though they both passed way before their time, they each did so much, touched so many people, and it’s as if they lived until 120.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Now a year later bad luck struck again to my family’s immediate group of friends. Another man, father, husband, brother, son, friend, and an UNBELIEVABLE person was taken away again. It was so sudden and so quick that we were in shock. It felt exactly like when my father passed.
Both of these men were linked now more than ever. They had children who grew up together, wives that were friends, and they each had the BEST dispositions EVER. These men were the life of the party, most loving, and shared the same group of friends. Oh and both could pound the hell out of some vodka.
Since the passing of these 2 men I ask why. Why would the best go first? Why do the good die young? Maybe angels were needed in heaven because if you ask anyone that’s what both of these men are. They were the strongest, biggest protectors of their families, and loved by all. Always the first to step up to the plate for anything or anyone. Not to mention always the first and quickest to pick up the check, and always to lend a helping hand. To me that’s what angels do.
From these passings I think we all should learn to live everyday to the fullest. Now that doesn’t mean going out and buying every pair of Chanel shoes or every Prada wallet. It means to take pride in yourself, always do your best, and always try to get the most out of life. You never know what life will throw at you. But when it's our time you want to be remembered as these men were. Even though they both passed way before their time, they each did so much, touched so many people, and it’s as if they lived until 120.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Some Things Never Change
As mentioned in previous entries one of my favorite things to do is go away with my girls. We do nothing, but party our brains out and laugh CONSTANTLY!!!
A couple weeks ago I celebrated my sisters bachelorette party in Chicago and it ROCKED!!!
As usual this crowd did it up. The liquor was flowing and the high was strong. The amount of room service was outrageous and the noise complaints added up. A hummer limo and best friends. What could be better? ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!!!
As I looked around over the weekend its funny how things have changed. half of us are married and have kids. We all have jobs of some sort and partying hard two nights in a row is definitely something that most of us had not done in a while. And that even goes for this party mama!
BUT WE DID IT!! And nothing really has changed us. We still laid in bed all day laughing and acting like 2 year olds. We still managed to order more room service that we could afford and we were still our obnoxious selves. I loved every minute of it.
I wish and hope that every girl has friends like me who no matter what make time for weekends of fun. And while half of us went home to our husbands and children we always look forward to the next time. And might I add that after having no sleep, being hungover as hell, and feeling like I could throw up everywhere this mama jumped on an early morning flight to get back to her screaming babies and husband. Leaving just enough time to shower off the smell of liquor, clean the house, mop the floors, fold laundry, double check the diaper bags, and return back to the airport that night to fly 14 hours overseas WITH the kids. I thought there was no way I could do it, but I did and it was worth every drink!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
A couple weeks ago I celebrated my sisters bachelorette party in Chicago and it ROCKED!!!
As usual this crowd did it up. The liquor was flowing and the high was strong. The amount of room service was outrageous and the noise complaints added up. A hummer limo and best friends. What could be better? ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!!!
As I looked around over the weekend its funny how things have changed. half of us are married and have kids. We all have jobs of some sort and partying hard two nights in a row is definitely something that most of us had not done in a while. And that even goes for this party mama!
BUT WE DID IT!! And nothing really has changed us. We still laid in bed all day laughing and acting like 2 year olds. We still managed to order more room service that we could afford and we were still our obnoxious selves. I loved every minute of it.
I wish and hope that every girl has friends like me who no matter what make time for weekends of fun. And while half of us went home to our husbands and children we always look forward to the next time. And might I add that after having no sleep, being hungover as hell, and feeling like I could throw up everywhere this mama jumped on an early morning flight to get back to her screaming babies and husband. Leaving just enough time to shower off the smell of liquor, clean the house, mop the floors, fold laundry, double check the diaper bags, and return back to the airport that night to fly 14 hours overseas WITH the kids. I thought there was no way I could do it, but I did and it was worth every drink!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Must Be the Money
Money, it’s like hot and cold. It brings out the best and the worst. It makes you happy and sad. But hey lets all be honest here it sure makes everything a lot better and easier.
Being a mom of two a new home owner and not to mention a little high maintenance myself money can a lot of the time be an issue. It doesn’t matter if you have it or not. It’s how you do and do not spend it.
After sitting down with hubby and looking over my credit card all is could say is WOW!!! Neimans, bloomies, Saks, target, and about a million orders of sushi and cabs. I was shocked!!! But of course reassured hubby that most of those were gifts (sure)!
Spending is like being high as hell. You take home those new shoes, wear them to dinner, and enjoy them all over town, but a month later when you get that bill your stomach turns. Just as it is when coming down from your drug of choice and you want to throw up.
Yes, I love nice things, but what this mom loves more is having a good time. Give me some cash and I would rather spend it on memories with and WITHOUT the kids. Cabs, drinks, dinners, and friends are what I spend my money on. Get some cocktails in me and I become the next millionaire.
So how do fix this dirty habit? Not completely sure, but I am working on it.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Being a mom of two a new home owner and not to mention a little high maintenance myself money can a lot of the time be an issue. It doesn’t matter if you have it or not. It’s how you do and do not spend it.
After sitting down with hubby and looking over my credit card all is could say is WOW!!! Neimans, bloomies, Saks, target, and about a million orders of sushi and cabs. I was shocked!!! But of course reassured hubby that most of those were gifts (sure)!
Spending is like being high as hell. You take home those new shoes, wear them to dinner, and enjoy them all over town, but a month later when you get that bill your stomach turns. Just as it is when coming down from your drug of choice and you want to throw up.
Yes, I love nice things, but what this mom loves more is having a good time. Give me some cash and I would rather spend it on memories with and WITHOUT the kids. Cabs, drinks, dinners, and friends are what I spend my money on. Get some cocktails in me and I become the next millionaire.
So how do fix this dirty habit? Not completely sure, but I am working on it.
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Spice it up!!
Priorities when it comes to my life and many young moms are very important. You have to be organized, plan ahead, schedule everything and you MUST know how to multi-task. And as a young mom with two children under the age of 2 you better believe
SEX is one of those priorities.
When you are married and have children your life becomes chaos. You start tasks and don’t finish all of them. You make plans and have to change them and after a long day of spit up and diapers sex can be one of the last things on your mind. BUT YOU MUST DO IT!!!
To me sex is the key to a good relationship and hey who doesn’t feel good after a nice romper? If you don’t make time to do it then you’re missing out. That’s if your partner doesn’t suck.
If your spouse or partner is like mine you can’t get away with not doing it. And I LOVE it!! No matter what I look like, how much formula is on me, or even if I haven’t had the chance to shower that day- he is ready to ravish! How could I say no to a man that makes me feel so good when I look so shitty?
So ladies take charge of your home and it’s time to become a whore in the bedroom. Learn to be creative in making time for a nice afternoon sexcapade. It doesn’t matter how you do it as long as you get the job done. You always make time to sweep, fold clothes, and take care of everything around the house, so therefore make time for an afternoon orgasm. Believe me you’ll be whistling Dixie while scrubbing those dishes!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
SEX is one of those priorities.
When you are married and have children your life becomes chaos. You start tasks and don’t finish all of them. You make plans and have to change them and after a long day of spit up and diapers sex can be one of the last things on your mind. BUT YOU MUST DO IT!!!
To me sex is the key to a good relationship and hey who doesn’t feel good after a nice romper? If you don’t make time to do it then you’re missing out. That’s if your partner doesn’t suck.
If your spouse or partner is like mine you can’t get away with not doing it. And I LOVE it!! No matter what I look like, how much formula is on me, or even if I haven’t had the chance to shower that day- he is ready to ravish! How could I say no to a man that makes me feel so good when I look so shitty?
So ladies take charge of your home and it’s time to become a whore in the bedroom. Learn to be creative in making time for a nice afternoon sexcapade. It doesn’t matter how you do it as long as you get the job done. You always make time to sweep, fold clothes, and take care of everything around the house, so therefore make time for an afternoon orgasm. Believe me you’ll be whistling Dixie while scrubbing those dishes!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Monday, January 11, 2010
What a New Year
Happy new year!!! Hope you all did something fun to ring in 2010!!!
It’s been a month since I have slept through the night, sat down for a relaxed meal at home, had a clean shirt on for more than five seconds, and I just haven’t stopped running. My eyes are blood shot from the lack of sleep and the constant dryness of a freezing winter. After not sleeping I’m in the shower at 6am before hubby goes to work. I go from picking up one child to the other. I change one and I change the other. I sit with my son as he eats breakfast while I try to soothe my little girl who is trying to get a burp out. If I sit down for more than a minute it’s to go to the bathroom and I’m lucky if I get to do that at all. Wow has my life changed!!!
A week after I gave birth we closed on a house. Two weeks after that we moved in. Between all of that my mom and sister moved. And on top of everything I did this with two babies under the age of 18 months. It’s been wild but, I have lots of help, an UNBELIEVABLE husband, and the BEST family ever!!!
The term work hard play hard is pretty much my theme for the new year. In between taking care of my children, unpacking, cleaning, and running a household you better believe this mom has made time to go out. Dinners, holiday parties, and even a Widespread Panic show have been some of my extra circular activities. I’m learning to do it all and then take care of a newborn while the toddler is pulling at my leg. I’ve managed the art of mixing cocktails in the evening and pancake batter in the morning. I throw out beer cans and diapers.
Trying to juggle all of this can get VERY overwhelming. I’m a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. And while I try to fill those roles to the best of my ability it can be tough. I’m human so of course I have the occasional breakdown. But when I look around and think all hell is gonna break loose I remember how thankful I am for everything around me. Life is too good and because of that I pinch myself.
2010 bring it on!!! You’ve started off challenging, but already given me the MOST beautiful family, house, wild nights on the town, and so many wonderful things to look forward to. After 2009 I am pretty confident this year is gonna ROCK!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
It’s been a month since I have slept through the night, sat down for a relaxed meal at home, had a clean shirt on for more than five seconds, and I just haven’t stopped running. My eyes are blood shot from the lack of sleep and the constant dryness of a freezing winter. After not sleeping I’m in the shower at 6am before hubby goes to work. I go from picking up one child to the other. I change one and I change the other. I sit with my son as he eats breakfast while I try to soothe my little girl who is trying to get a burp out. If I sit down for more than a minute it’s to go to the bathroom and I’m lucky if I get to do that at all. Wow has my life changed!!!
A week after I gave birth we closed on a house. Two weeks after that we moved in. Between all of that my mom and sister moved. And on top of everything I did this with two babies under the age of 18 months. It’s been wild but, I have lots of help, an UNBELIEVABLE husband, and the BEST family ever!!!
The term work hard play hard is pretty much my theme for the new year. In between taking care of my children, unpacking, cleaning, and running a household you better believe this mom has made time to go out. Dinners, holiday parties, and even a Widespread Panic show have been some of my extra circular activities. I’m learning to do it all and then take care of a newborn while the toddler is pulling at my leg. I’ve managed the art of mixing cocktails in the evening and pancake batter in the morning. I throw out beer cans and diapers.
Trying to juggle all of this can get VERY overwhelming. I’m a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. And while I try to fill those roles to the best of my ability it can be tough. I’m human so of course I have the occasional breakdown. But when I look around and think all hell is gonna break loose I remember how thankful I am for everything around me. Life is too good and because of that I pinch myself.
2010 bring it on!!! You’ve started off challenging, but already given me the MOST beautiful family, house, wild nights on the town, and so many wonderful things to look forward to. After 2009 I am pretty confident this year is gonna ROCK!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
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