Today was my son's first day of school and getting ready for it was like training for a triathlon. There are so many different components that must be completed before you start school or cross that finish line. Party Mom had to prepare mentally and physically just to get my baby boy out the door. Did he and I make it? Well this is how it went…
First, there are all the forms and there are so many of these. The medical forms.
Has he had his shots? Does he have food allergies? The application, my info, husband’s info, emergency contacts, and you can’t forget to sign up for the carpool number. Do I put my mom and both my sisters as emergency contacts? Oh, and what friend do I put down as an emergency contact? I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling and not choose them. There are after school programs, parent clubs, and of course, fundraisers. My reaction to fundraisers: the kid hasn't even started school yet and they want MORE of my money before tuition is even due??? I might as well just give them my damn bank account number. It would be easier then writing a million checks.
Next, there is the first open house at school to meet the teachers and parents. I sat through an hour long discussion about my son's school with the director and other parents. I tried to listen, but all I could think about is everything I had to do. All the new parents are checking each other out wondering who will be in my child's class. You absolutely want your kid in the “cool class.” After that we went downstairs to see the classroom and receive even more information about the upcoming school year. Oh and most of these papers was the same crap that was already sent to me in the mail.
Making sure you get everything on the school supply list is very important! I filled the biggest bag of baby wipes, diapers, extra clothes, sippy cups, tissues, and anything and everything that a 2-year-old may need. Can’t they provide all this shit since I am paying up the wazoo??? Oh, and everything has to be labeled with a sharpie. There are so many instructions I’m surprised my sharpie doesn’t need to be a specific color.
The grocery store is the next big obstacle. What should you make for lunch on his first day? String cheese or square cheese? Apple Juice or milk? Turkey sandwich or PB&J? Then there’s his snack. Healthy or sugary? Salty or sweet? Did you pack enough??? You can’t send your child to school without a pretty colorful lunch??? You want everything to be perfect!
And now on to wardrobing. You absolutely want to take your kid back to school shopping. Is he gonna be preppy or punky??? Should he wear his cool Grateful Dead shirt or his beautiful new blue Polo? What emblem do you want him to wear? Oh and don’t forget about you!! Do you drop the kids off in your exercise clothes with no makeup?? Or do you shower, straighten your hair, and deck yourself out? You want all the other mommies to see you looking good. I remember when my sister was young she liked her best friend's mom (who actually became my mom's best friend) because she was cute and cool. First impressions are VERY IMPORTANT!!!
You do all these things just to get your child and yourself out the door. For months, I went back and forth to Bloomingdales, Target, and every other store in the city buying and returning my sons back to school clothes. I was exhausted from driving and walking through every mall.
The Sunday before school I worked my butt off and of course cute lazy husband got to sleep in after our night of drinking at a wedding. I went through my final list. School supplies? Bought. Outfit for the morning? It’s clean! Everything labeled? Nope, but doing it now. All forms filled out? Finishing up the last two. Everything bought from the grocery? Got it all! Bag packed of his supplies to take to school this evening to the ice cream social so he can meet his teachers? All done!!! I’m on top of it and ready to go!! Extra Strength Tylenol for my hangover? Taking them now!! I was so organized and SO proud of myself!!! Oh and in between that, I made time even to iron my damn husband's shirts. Sometimes I ask myself if I have 2 kids or 3?
So, do you want to know how his first day went? Well he DID NOT even go. After the ice cream social his eye became bright red and he appeared to have conjunctivitis. I couldn’t believe it!! I worked so hard all day and for months to get everything ready for the big first day of school. He was napping that day and I was sweating all the alcohol out while labeling every freakin sippy cup, diaper, and baby wipe box. If I could make a bumper sticker for this day, it would read, "I'd rather be watching my Lifetime Sunday movies!!"
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Rocky Mountain High: What Party Mom Did On Summer Vacation.
Well, my summer vacation had at least one shocking event, involving three things that begin with the letter M (hint: me, mom, and marijuana). Most vacations are scheduled to perfection with kids, activities, and meals. Not mine, of course. Ours is like one big hangover and we wake up every morning and do it all again!!! This is how my wine and weed summer trip began…
It started with my son running wild for our entire 2 and ½ hour flight. He was literally jumping off my lap and running into the first class cabin and pulling down the separation curtain. He was screaming bloody murder from excitement. I must have run after him a million times and every time I would grab him and say the word "no”, causing him to burst out laughing. And then FINALLY the flight attendant came around I got my wine!! But how the hell was I suppose to drink it out of the plastic cup with my hyper son all over me?? I didn’t and I drank straight from the airplane bottle. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!!
The next week was spent running after my children, making blueberry pancakes and eggs, getting ice cream of all flavors, drinking LOTS of great wine, playing outside in perfect weather, and not sweating a bit. We heard great music and had great beer at a Bluegrass Festival. Oh and did I mention that my son slept in the middle of my mother and I? Yep, for 7 nights I snuggled with my son because he is too young to sleep alone in a bed and too big for his pack and play. So every night at 7:00 my mother and I would lay in bed with him until he would fall asleep, which took about 2 hours. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine on our balcony looking over the mountains we enjoyed the bottle in bed staring at my son. And when the coast was clear we would jet out the room to start on our next bottle. Finally I could rest! And then when we would fall asleep I would be woken up almost every 2 hours by my son calling out, “ Mama.” Oh and then there was the night we actually thought he was not in the bed anymore. In the middle of the night my mom rolled over and said, “Where is he?” We turned on the light and searched under the covers, under the bed, we were freaked!!! Then all of a sudden I heard a little snoring from behind a pillow. He had covered himself up with pillows and crawled into a ball around the headboard. It was the cutest thing ever!
Then there was my little princess who usually turns into the exorcist at night and doesn’t sleep. Baby girl must have gotten into the Ambien because she slept like CRAZY. She took 2, 2 hour naps everyday and then would sleep 12-13 hours every night. I was shocked as shit, but soooo happy!!!
One night my mom and I went to dinner and enjoyed several cocktails. On our way back in the taxi my non drug using mother and I bummed a little pot from the nastiest hippie I had ever seen. We ran straight home and smoked it!!! It was hilarious. And then my non drug using mother started cleaning. If you knew my mom she is not the type to clean. I didn’t think the woman even knew how to use a vacuum!!! The place became spotless and I couldn’t believe it. Maybe I should get rid of my cleaning lady and trade my mom pot for cleaning??
Mom left after the first week and then cute lazy husband came to join. And of course when he comes I have everything in order. The food is stocked. The place is clean and his scotch is right there waiting! It was all set up so he can sit on his throne and stay cute and lazy.
Hubby shared the last week with me and we had a great time. We ate, drank, took the kids on great walks, and even got to meet up with my friend, her 3 kids, and her cute lazy husband. In fact these guys are so much alike. They are precious. Always smiling, drinking, and having a good time. These dads literally ran away to get beers as soon as they saw each other. That left my friend and I taking care of 5 kids in the middle of a crowded BBQ festival. It was crazy. And it was my first time sweating in the cool mountain air. I don’t think my friend and I could say a word to each other because all we were doing was chasing and feeding our kids. Both of our husbands may be lazy, but not selfish. On their hour long trip to the beer line they managed to bring us back a couple cold ones too!
So readers when you’re on vacation with your family and especially your kids remember that everything is not gonna be exactly in order. They won’t always go to sleep easily and they will for sure get hyper as hell from the excitement. SO with that being said you should go with it and get a little loose too! Enjoy wine, liquor, pot, or whatever floats your boat. They can break the rules and so can you!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
It started with my son running wild for our entire 2 and ½ hour flight. He was literally jumping off my lap and running into the first class cabin and pulling down the separation curtain. He was screaming bloody murder from excitement. I must have run after him a million times and every time I would grab him and say the word "no”, causing him to burst out laughing. And then FINALLY the flight attendant came around I got my wine!! But how the hell was I suppose to drink it out of the plastic cup with my hyper son all over me?? I didn’t and I drank straight from the airplane bottle. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do!!
The next week was spent running after my children, making blueberry pancakes and eggs, getting ice cream of all flavors, drinking LOTS of great wine, playing outside in perfect weather, and not sweating a bit. We heard great music and had great beer at a Bluegrass Festival. Oh and did I mention that my son slept in the middle of my mother and I? Yep, for 7 nights I snuggled with my son because he is too young to sleep alone in a bed and too big for his pack and play. So every night at 7:00 my mother and I would lay in bed with him until he would fall asleep, which took about 2 hours. Instead of drinking a bottle of wine on our balcony looking over the mountains we enjoyed the bottle in bed staring at my son. And when the coast was clear we would jet out the room to start on our next bottle. Finally I could rest! And then when we would fall asleep I would be woken up almost every 2 hours by my son calling out, “ Mama.” Oh and then there was the night we actually thought he was not in the bed anymore. In the middle of the night my mom rolled over and said, “Where is he?” We turned on the light and searched under the covers, under the bed, we were freaked!!! Then all of a sudden I heard a little snoring from behind a pillow. He had covered himself up with pillows and crawled into a ball around the headboard. It was the cutest thing ever!
Then there was my little princess who usually turns into the exorcist at night and doesn’t sleep. Baby girl must have gotten into the Ambien because she slept like CRAZY. She took 2, 2 hour naps everyday and then would sleep 12-13 hours every night. I was shocked as shit, but soooo happy!!!
One night my mom and I went to dinner and enjoyed several cocktails. On our way back in the taxi my non drug using mother and I bummed a little pot from the nastiest hippie I had ever seen. We ran straight home and smoked it!!! It was hilarious. And then my non drug using mother started cleaning. If you knew my mom she is not the type to clean. I didn’t think the woman even knew how to use a vacuum!!! The place became spotless and I couldn’t believe it. Maybe I should get rid of my cleaning lady and trade my mom pot for cleaning??
Mom left after the first week and then cute lazy husband came to join. And of course when he comes I have everything in order. The food is stocked. The place is clean and his scotch is right there waiting! It was all set up so he can sit on his throne and stay cute and lazy.
Hubby shared the last week with me and we had a great time. We ate, drank, took the kids on great walks, and even got to meet up with my friend, her 3 kids, and her cute lazy husband. In fact these guys are so much alike. They are precious. Always smiling, drinking, and having a good time. These dads literally ran away to get beers as soon as they saw each other. That left my friend and I taking care of 5 kids in the middle of a crowded BBQ festival. It was crazy. And it was my first time sweating in the cool mountain air. I don’t think my friend and I could say a word to each other because all we were doing was chasing and feeding our kids. Both of our husbands may be lazy, but not selfish. On their hour long trip to the beer line they managed to bring us back a couple cold ones too!
So readers when you’re on vacation with your family and especially your kids remember that everything is not gonna be exactly in order. They won’t always go to sleep easily and they will for sure get hyper as hell from the excitement. SO with that being said you should go with it and get a little loose too! Enjoy wine, liquor, pot, or whatever floats your boat. They can break the rules and so can you!!!
Until Next Time,
Party Mom
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