HELP!!!! I need a vacation, from my vacation

This past weekend Party Mom packed up her entire family to head to the beach. My car was loaded with clothes, diapers, toys, formula, and every swimming raft possible. I must have made 50 trips to Target before we left. This how the chaos began…

It started off with an 8-hour drive that should have taken only 6. We drove in a torrential downpour most of the way, which caused us to miss our exit. So my mom, my daughter, my son, and I drove forty miles out of the way. It sucked! I was crammed in the back between both of their car seats trying to calm them down. Oh and you try being stuck back there for 7 hours. I was so nauseous that I convinced myself I was pregnant. When the clouds parted and sun came up, we picked-up the pace just enough to get pulled over. Yep, at the end of a 7-hour hellacious ride we were pulled over with 2 screaming kids, and right when we stopped my daughter threw up everywhere. The best part about it was when the cop almost pulled out a gun on my mother. She seemed to think it was ok to get out of the car when we were waiting for the policeman. I swear I thought she was gonna be arrested. And after an hour of sitting there while the cop ran a background check, we were sent away with an expensive speeding ticket and a stupid pin that the officer gave to my son thinking it would make him happy. Wondering where hubby was? Well, don’t worry about him. He got to take a nice, quiet, leisurely drive by himself later that day. And his 6-hour trip took only 5.

And then there’s the babysitter I hired. She wasn’t exactly a sitter. She was more like the teenager daughter that I don’t have (or want). In fact I had to babysit her, too! She was 19, adorable, obnoxious, and the daughter of a pilot who was actually the owner of a private plane company. My daughter would be crying for a bottle and she would be putting on more lip gloss. Instead of helping me wash their bathing suits, she would be reading my US Weekly. As irritated as I was, when you have 2 kids that young, you take what you can get.

Here we were staying at a beautiful new house and I spent my days making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for all of the children. I love my older sister to death, but the girl didn’t lift a finger and for some reason her kids went to me for “cheesy eggs” every morning and everything else throughout the day. She would sit there like a little doll dressed perfectly. Her hair would be combed and she’d be holding a cup of coffee, but did nothing to help. I wanted to strangle her so badly, but she just looked too damn cute for me to do that. I was constantly changing all the kids and bringing all the kids to the pool by myself. I would try to nap them, but why would they ever want to do that? Wondering where my babysitter was? She was filing her nails while I was trying to put the kids to sleep.

Then there was Party Husband and WHAT A WASTE OF SPACE he was. He really didn’t do anything. In fact I think he is helpless. He’d just stand there smiling, and what a beautiful smile he has, chatting away while my back was about to break due to children using me as their jungle gym. One day stands out in particular. After I made my gourmet breakfast for 10 and then dragged my children to the pool, he decided to show up hours later after a nice bike ride. He then informed me that he was going to jump in the pool with the kids and then head to the bar for lunch and drinks. Oh, and he also gave me his dirty shorts to take back and wash. Shocking, right? Not really.

And I don’t want to forget my pregnant cousin. Her hormones were running wild and if you put her Teflon pans in the dishwasher she would turn into the exorcist. She was cranky, bitchy, and a bit scary. And I still love her!

So I ask myself if this was a vacation. Maybe it wasn’t Vegas with the girls, but we still had a blast. I worked my butt off and as much as I wanted to kill my lazy sister, lazy husband, useless babysitter, and pour Prozac down my cousin’s throat, there is nothing better than being with my family. We laughed our faces off! Wondering where Party Mom was? Well, don’t worry about her. She enjoyed several cold cocktails while chasing the kids.

Until Next Time,
Party Mom