"24"

O100. I’m sitting on the beach at a swanky hotel drinking margaritas with my husband. We are having the most wonderful time alone and away from all the chaos. Then I hear a noise. FUCK it’s my daughter crying and I was only dreaming. I run upstairs with an 8 ounce bottle that my baby girl chugs down in a matter of seconds. I think to myself, “will she ever sleep through the night?” I guess tomorrow night I will start to Ferberize her.

0700
It’s morning time. I run upstairs to get hungry, screaming babies that I drag downstairs for breakfast and changing.

0745
Cute lazy sister shows up after I did the dishes with her starving children. More eggs to cook and more bacon to fry. If you are wondering where Party Husband is, well he is sound asleep in his throne. Are you shocked?

1000
Back inside after playing in the baby pool and sweating my face off from chasing my son, my nieces, and of course wearing the baby Bjorn that holds the baby girl in 95 degree weather. And where’s my lazy sister? She’s at the gym working on her cute figure.

1200
Lunchtime. I’m mixing baby food and preparing a sandwich for my son at the same time. My son is throwing his carrots on the wall, while my baby girl is screaming bloody murder because her teeth hurt.

1300
Run up stairs to put baby boy to sleep while my little girl is screaming her brains out cause I have left her. Run back downstairs, pick up my little girl and then of course she pukes up her sweet potatoes and bananas all over me and herself.

1330
Change little girl’s clothes and stick bottle in her mouth. Finally some calmness.

1400
Bring baby girl upstairs for a nap.

1420
Baby girl is screaming so I run back up to her room to find that she pooped in her pants. I change her again and then the sheets. Put her back in the crib and it’s back downstairs for me. I should seriously train for a fucking marathon.

1430
Clean the house, fold the laundry, change my nasty clothes, put back toys, take out trash, and go through some bills if I have time.

1600
Babies wake up. Change them, make a snack, and begin afternoon activity. Coloring (which usually ends up on my sofa and walls), throwing the ball with my son while holding my little girl. Oh, and then a surprise visit from my sister and her kids. They are back again and of course hungry.

1700
Margarita and pizza time!!! Finally a drink! Friend shows up with her son so now there are 2 kids, 3 babies, and 4 adults. Party Mom gives up for a few minutes and lets the kids run wilds through the house. And did we have time to finish the Margaritas?? ABSOFUCKINLUTLY!!!

1830
Bath time. I drag my son and daughter upstairs. By this time of day my back is in serious pain and all I can think about is a nice muscle relaxer and another margarita. I bathe both my kids together and its nuts. My daughter is flipping over while my son keeps trying to stand up.

1900
Bedtime! Throw son in the crib while my daughter is crawling all over his room. Pick her up and bring her across the hall to her room. Kiss her on the cheek and put her down.

1915
Run back upstairs cause my son won’t go to sleep and bring him back downstairs. Let him watch a segment of the Wiggles while I continue to clean.

1930
Bring baby boy back up to his room. Run back downstairs finish cleaning and of course give Party Husband his dinner and scotch.

2000
FINALLY I’m done!!! Join hubby outside for a drink.

2100
FINALLY I’m in bed, but of course my husband expects to get laid.

0100
Party Mom is with Party Hubby at the black jack table in Vegas. Damn, I’m having the time of my life. Cocktail after cocktail and winnings after winnings. The smoke, people, everything is just amazing. Then all of a sudden a loud bang went off in the casino. I think to myself, “is there a terrorist here?” FUCK, not again, it’s my baby girl and I’m only dreaming. Well I guess tomorrow night I will try to Ferberize her….

Until Next Time,
Party Mom